


A Quiet Place Full of Scars

by Ryuchan20



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blood mentioned, Implied Reaper76, Lots of mush and fluff, M/M, Oral Sex, Slow Burn, You can take it how you want, canon level violence, character injury, implied Zenyatta/Genji
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2016-10-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 23:49:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8033800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryuchan20/pseuds/Ryuchan20
Summary: Jesse always has a little spot he sneaks off to for a quiet moment of reflection cause even the most friendly and cheerful guy needs to have some time to himself. That is until he shows up one day to find his special place has a new visitor. Hanzo Shimada caught his attention since day one and when the man shows up to find some peace in a place Jesse frequents The cowboy takes the chance to try and learn more about this curious man.





	1. The Special Place

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhhh I finally did it. NEW FIC!
> 
> Yup it's some McHanzo for you all. This is my first Overwatch fic but I'm totally in love with these characters and this ship and I wanted to try and do a cute, slow build up fic with these two dweebs. I'm still learning all the little tidbits of info and stuff about the backstories so if anything is wrong let me know.
> 
> This is gonna be multi-chapter. Thinking maybe 8 or 9 but we'll see where this goes.

Even the brightest person can have a dull moment, or more appropriately the brightest smile can mask the deepest scars. Not to say he was some sorry, brooding mess, but Jesse McCree did have days and nights where he just needed to slip away from all the hustle and bustle of the others and sit quietly to have a smoke and ignore the nagging memories and regrets. Hell, they all carried some form of regret with them, the old Overwatch gang. They all wished that they’d done or said something more. They all wished they hadn’t lost some people. Still here they were, still moving on ahead and trying to bring about a little bit of good to a struggling world. It was that knowledge that kept him going when it got rough.

 

He’d lived through a few bad decisions in his youth and even when his life started to turn around he had to make some hard calls that resulted in more bad things happening. Sometimes he wondered if he could of shaped the course of those events a little differently if he’d taken a stand instead of bowing out. Well, it didn’t really matter now. You can’t just go back in time and make right what you fucked up. He smiled wryly to himself and opened the doors to catwalk overlooking the main airstrip and paused.  
  
Sitting near the edge in perfect and serene stillness was none other than their latest member Hanzo Shimada. The elder Shimada sibling had been with them a couple months now and while he and McCree had exchanged pleasantries from time to time they hadn’t exactly just chatted. Not for lack of trying. Jesse always made an effort to get to know everyone and sometimes Hanzo would sit at the edge of the group behind Genji and listen to them. Hell, he even saw the man turn his lip up just a tiny bit in a smirk after one of Reinhardt jokes. That had been a treat.   
  
The thing about Hanzo was that he’d caught Jesse’s attention since day one. He’d built up all these images of the man when Genji mentioned he might show up. He thought about what sort of person would arrive What someone who tried to kill his own brother would look like. Honestly, he had a pretty wild image of Hanzo he’d concocted. The guy who almost killed and successfully maimed Genji. The guy who was an heir to one of the biggest families in Japan. A guy who…was probably the most striking thing he ever laid eyes on.  
  
Yup. Hanzo had shown up all somber faced and stiff, standing before them all and introducing himself, and all Jesse could think was, he’s got the saddest eyes he’s ever seen on a man.  
  
So he’d tried to get a little closer. Pry a little. See what was under that stern expression he gave them all. What he found out was that Hanzo didn’t ever speak unless needed. His words carried weight when he voiced a concern or suggestion to the group. He didn’t openly praise you unless you earned it. And the last thing was that you never had to watch you back too hard if Hanzo was behind you because he watched it for you. Needless to say this big bad brother murderer he thought would show up turned out to be a reliable, somber, beauty that tried to make himself as small as possible while around the base.

Now here he was sitting as pretty as a picture out in the setting sunlight with his eyes closed and body still save for the flapping of the golden ribbon in his hair. Not wanting to interrupt he moved to sit down near the door against a crate, staring out at the sun. He tried to be quiet but a man can only be so quiet when his spurs would jangle with every move of his feet. Hanzo didn’t seem to pay any mind though and remained still.

  
He pulled out a cigarillo and lit it, taking a deep draw from it before blowing it out into the wind. This had been his usual spot to just sit and think for a while now but it appeared his little hiding spot had been discovered. Not that he minded.

He dared a little glance at Hanzo, watching him like he couldn’t help getting a little caught up in admiring him. From the man’s high cheek bones and angular face to the muscular arms tempered from working with his bow day in and out. Even that dragon tattoo was a work of art on pale, perfect skin. He had to wonder if the man had a scar on him and then thought better of it. Sometimes a scar isn’t on the outside of a man and he’d watched Hanzo enough to know this man carried a scar so damn deep in his heart it sometimes looked like he’d rather not exist. It didn’t take a genius to see it whenever he’d look at his brother then away as if he wasn’t even worthy of that. Or maybe it was too painful. He couldn’t quite tell. Sometimes Jesse thought he was just making shit up in his head and interpreting him all wrong, but Hanzo was so damned expressive when he thought no one was looking and Jesse ate it up. It was all he had to go one since the other barely spoke to him or really anyone save Genji and that was all in Japanese most of the time so even an eavesdropper was left clueless.

He had completely forgotten about the cigarillo hanging in his mouth and quickly flicked the ash from it before it ended up in his lap. Sitting back again he moved his gaze back to Hanzo, but that didn't last long though.

Hanzo’s eyes slowly opened and he stared out at the orange sunset and glittering ocean waves a moment before turning his head. He locked eyes with Jesse, making him feel like he’d been caught doing something bad.  
  
Jesse quickly reached up to grab his hat and tipped it with a subtle head nod. “Howdy.”

Hanzo’s expression didn’t give anything away, remaining as impassive and blank as usual. “Was I needed for something?”

Of course he’d think that. The cowboy wanted to laugh but instead shook his head, taking another intake of smoke and letting it settle in his lungs before exhaling. “Not a thing. Just wanted to have me a nice quiet smoke and found you in my favorite spot.” He smirked.  
  
The other man’s eyes widened a little in realization before glancing down. “My Apologies. I did not realize you frequented this location. I was merely searching for a quiet place to meditate and happened upon it.”  
  
“No need for sorries. I ain’t got a claim on the spot and it’s not like you were making a big 'ol ruckus.” He leaned back against the crate, removing the cigarillo from his mouth as he spoke. “Looks like you ’an me were doing the same thing anyways. A quiet moment of reflection an all.”  
  
He wasn’t exactly sure what the look was that crossed over Hanzo’s face. It seemed like confusion but eventually it melted into something like relief. “My thanks.”  
  
Jesse smiled a little wider and regarded the archer. “You settlin’ in alright? Bet the small rooms we have here seem a bit confining sometimes.”  
  
“I do not require much. I spent much time sleeping where I could and surviving. A room of my own with a dry bed is more than sufficient.” Hanzo answered so methodically, so normally over such a sad reality.  
  
“Yeah, but this here ain’t Japan so I was wondering if you were feeling a bit homesick.” He tilted his head.  
  
Hanzo did seem to surprised by that and stared back at McCree. “It is…” There was a bit of tension between the man’s dark eyebrows and Jesse could of sworn he saw ten different emotions cross his pretty dark eyes,“fine.”  
  
He chuckled. All those expressions and the man could only land on that word to use. Hanzo seemed to tense when he heard McCree laugh and he quieted himself.“Sorry, sorry. You just looked like you had a hell of a lot more to say than just that for a sec.”  
  
“Did I?”

He sure as hell did. If there was one thing Jesse McCree noticed about Hanzo Shimada more than anything was the man could look stern and emotionless about ninety percent of the time but if you hit the right phrase to say or watched him enough you’d see the man use every emotion he could just within the span of a few seconds before schooling his expression as if nothing had happened. He liked that the best about him. He put out the cigarillo and nodded as he removed his hat, sliding his fingers of his prosthetic hand through his hair.“Maybe I’m wrong about that, but you got some pretty interesting expressions sometimes so a man can’t help trying to figure them out.”

Hanzo frowned and narrowed his gaze before facing the ocean again. Jesse couldn’t tell if the man was mad at him for finding him out or at himself for letting his face slip up. Either way he didn’t want to ruin the mood. He’d actually gotten more than two words from the other and that was definitely an improvement. “Well, better get back inside before that cold ocean air bites me in the ass.” He groaned a bit and got up, stretching and placed his hat back on.  
  
Hanzo watched him the entire time. Those expressive eyes focused.

Jesse smiled down at him, causing the Japanese man to look away almost sheepishly like he’d been caught. Caught doing what was anyone's guess. “Feel free to keep coming here. It’s a good spot to just clear your head.”  
  
The other man’s brows raised just slightly as he glanced over.

“Lord knows there ain’t many places to hide away from the louder members.” Even if he was one of those “loud” members from time to time.

Hanzo offered a small, curt nod of his head and a muttered thanks.

With another tip of his hat Jesse excused himself, going back inside. He placed his hands in his pockets and let his mind wander back over the conversation, hunting for subtleties to add to his ever growing internal file on the curiousness of Hanzo Shimada. Funny thing was he could of sworn he’d seen just a little bit of a smile on Hanzo’s lips as he left but it was hard to tell. That man was a mystery and yet one of the most interesting things he'd seen in a long while.

__________________________________

  
  


He didn't see Hanzo again till three days later. Sure enough, as soon as he opened the door the man was sitting there all still and focused, facing the setting sun. Same as last time he found his spot near the crates and sat down, lighting up and smoking quietly. His eyes watched the flutter of the golden ribbon, following it to where it bound the man's dark hair. He wondered if his hair was as soft as it looked.

 

Eventually Hanzo opened his eyes and took a few seconds to focus before turning his attention to McCree. He regarded the cowboy with a small head nod and stood.  
  
“Runnin' off already?” Jesse drawled, amazed the other could get up so fluidly.

 

The archer stopped and glanced down at McCree. “My meditation is finished so I was going to leave you to your own time.”

 

“No need. I don't mind a little company.” He grinned around the smoke in his mouth and patted the ground next to him.

 

Hanzo did not seem impressed and sat right back down where he was standing.

 

Disappointed but not surprised, Jesse huffed and glanced up at the sky. “Do you meditate every day? Like it's some sorta daily routine?”

 

“No.” Hanzo's voice was rough and deep and yet he seemed to respond with a softness. It was a bit captivating how he could do that. “Meditation allows one to quiet their mind and think clearly, without the outside distractions.”

 

“So you do it to clear your head when the world gets too loud.” He put out the cigarillo, giving the man his full attention.

 

“In a sense.” Hanzo concurred.

 

“So what's eatin' ya?”

 

“Pardon?”

 

He tilted his head, giving the man a lopsided smile. “You come out here to clear your head so there must be something eatin' away at you that you can't shake.”

 

The other man frowned and shifted his body a little petulantly. “There does not need to be anything wrong to find a reason to meditate.” The way he said it, it was as though he was trying to convince himself more so than Jesse.

 

“You don't gotta tell me, but I've had my fair share of troubles and seen everyone around me deal with them and try and struggle alone so I can see the telltale signs.” He shrugged. “Can't really imagine what is more overwhelming for ya. Being here with us or leaving your home. Maybe your brother-”

 

“You know nothing about my brother.” Hanzo snapped, his entire body tensed as if he was wolf ready lunge.

 

“Easy,” he held up his hands in surrender, “I meant no offense. Like I said, you don't gotta tell me nothing if you don't want. I just thought if you needed to talk I'm of a mind to listen to ya.” He watched Hanzo's posture soften a little but not entirely. He figured that Genji was probably the root of the worries given the reaction.

 

“That is not necessary.” Came the curt response.

 

“Well, the invitation stands if you ever change your mind, darlin'” The term of endearment just rolled off the tongue.

 

Hanzo did not seem to appreciate it and gave Jesse an incredulous look of annoyance. “Do not give people unwanted nicknames.”

 

He suppressed the need to chuckle and took off his hat, holding it to his chest. “My apologies then, Hanzo.” He really didn't want to annoy the man or piss him off but he really did like seeing all these new expressions on his face.

 

The was a brief snort of acceptance from Hanzo and the pair fell silent until Hanzo himself stood and excused himself.

 

Jesse watched him go, giving him a nod as goodbye. There was a little part of him that wanted to trail after the man, see if he could wring out another expression or a sentence but reason for once kicked in. He didn't want to chase the man away and so far he'd been privy to a lot of new things about Hanzo he bet the others never knew existed. He felt a bit smug in knowing that.

 

____________________________

 

 

The third time they meet alone it's Hanzo that shows up late. Pausing at the door he seems to regard McCree with a slight wariness. Jesse honestly can't tell if he's annoyed the cowboy is there or worried he's intruding. “Don't let me stop you.” He finally offers to the man, glancing at the spot the other usually sat.

 

Hanzo hesitates for a moment before walking to his spot and sitting down, positioning his body like usual. How he sits like that without getting a cramp is beyond Jesse.

 

For a few minutes it's quiet except for the wind and waves. Then McCree stands and walks over, sitting down next to the man, trying to match his potion.

 

“What are you doing?” Eyes open, Hanzo turns his head and stares at Jesse confused.

 

“Figured I'd try out this meditating thing.” He grins, already feeling his legs yelling at him for daring to sit like this, but he won't be deterred. “You know what they say. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.”

 

Hanzo snorts but there is just a very small upturn of the corner of his mouth. “Are you capable of sitting still and remaining quiet for so long?”

 

“Harsh.” Jesse feigns hurt, “I'll have you know I've been quiet every time you've been sitting here.”

 

“You're mouth has.” The other man mutters and glanced at Jesse's heels where the spurs jingle a little. “Do you honestly need to wear all that all the time?”

 

He's almost offended and looks the other man over. “You always walk around with your chest half out?”

 

“This allows for easier movement and is a customary form of dress.” The archer retorts but his face seems to flush with a tiny bit of color.

 

“Well, from where I come from folks wear stuff like this.” He tugs at his serape then tips his hat. “It's a lifestyle.”

 

“It's a loud lifestyle.” Hanzo mutters but let's the matter drop.

 

Jesse can't help but notice a little roll of the man's naked shoulder though before he settles into position. He tries his best to mimic it and closes his eyes. He focuses on the sound of the wind and the ocean. He tries to ignore a noisy seagull overhead but the damn thing sure is loud. Somewhere amidst his attempts to clear his head he catches scent of something he hadn't noticed before. Like incense and jasmine flower. It's actually quite nice. He tries to pinpoint where the scent is coming from when he realizes it's to his right. Opening his eyes he stars at Hanzo's still form and leans over a little to sniff.

 

“What are you doing?” Hanzo' voice is low and stern.

 

“You smell mighty nice.” He says it without thinking really.

 

“What?”

 

“I said you smell nice. I noticed it while I was trying to meditate.” He grinned.

 

“Then you are doing a poor job of it. Meditation is meant to clear your mind and ignore outside distractions.” The tattooed man frowns at Jesse, clearly annoyed.

 

All Jesse can think is that Hanzo is a pretty big distraction but if he says that the man will probably push him off the catwalk. “Sorry. I'll really try this time.” he makes a point to sit up straight and close his eyes, doing his best impression of Hanzo. He hears a loud sigh next to him and then it's quiet.

 

Somehow he lasts the rest of the time, though it's mostly because he's trying to not focus o the ever growing pain in his legs. When Hanzo finally stands back up Jesse has a brief moment of panic. “Hey...you think you could give me a hand?” he glances up at Hanzo who is staring down at him confused. “I think my legs done fell asleep on me.”

 

There is another long pause and then the silence is broken but a deep, throaty chuckle. Hanzo is laughing at him. Extending a hand to Jesse he helps the other up. “That is actually a very common problem if you are unused to sitting that way.”

 

He has no response. Jesse is completely thrown off by the sound of the man's laugh.

 

“When we were children, Genji used to squirm and complain about his legs hurting all the time. I was more stubborn though. I would stay in position until I was told I could get up but my legs were always asleep so I would make excuses that I wished to meditate longer so no one would notice.” The story spilled from Hanzo naturally. It's a fun memory. Something that makes him smile a little more fondly as he recalls it.

 

Jesse can't tell if the world went quiet round him or he's just that enamored with the other man's talking. He blinks and offers a smile back. “Well that makes a fella feel a bit better then.” he laughs back, trying to draw out another chuckle from the man. He doesn't get it but Hanzo's face has relaxed a whole hell of a lot.

 

“Should you continue to practice it will get easier.” The Japanese man offered.

 

Now that sounds like an invitation. “You don't mind if I join you now and again?”

 

“If you wish.” For the first time since they met Hanzo stares up at McCree with a less guarded expression. It's still a bit stiff and practiced but his eyes have softened a bit.

 

“Well then, I'll take you up on that.”

 

And he does. For the next few weeks he meets up with Hanzo to meditate. His legs cry in protest but he wills himself on. He treasures these little moments. They don't really talk much, just sit in silence but sometimes he can get Hanzo to talk about the past and tell little stories about his and Genji's youth. He doesn't interrupt when Hanzo does. He doesn't want to ruin the magic of the moment when the man is not burdened by the weight of his past and instead uplifted by it.

 

Somehow along the way the small secluded catwalk overlooking the ocean becomes their spot. A private space where they can sit in silence and if Jesse is lucky he can hear Hanzo's deep, husky voice speak of his life before the heartache.

 

Somehow, he doesn't realize he's totally wrapped up in learning everything there is to know about Hanzo Shimada.

 

 

 


	2. Wild and Free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER 2!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> I'm having so much fun with this. As you may have noticed I really am fond of Hanzo's expressions. I've watched Dragons like ten times now and his face is just so expressive I really wanted to capture all his subtleties through Jesse's eyes. 
> 
> Hope you're all enjoying this. I am going to try and get a chapter a day out but the next chapter is gonna have a lot of stuff go down so it might be two days.
> 
> ENJOY~!

 

He was exhausted. Jesse had been out on a mission for the last four days with Lena, Lucio, Hana and Reinhardt in England, and while it was a success he felt like he could sleep for a week. He didn't though. When he got back he noticed the time and decided to head up to the special spot. Hanzo should be there though maybe he came earlier than usual since Jesse wasn't here. He never did really ask if the man really did want to be alone. He just took it as an ok since the other kept coming back knowing Jesse would be there.

 

Opening the door he saw Hanzo just standing up and sighed. “Aw, did I already miss it all?” He asked dejected. He'd been hoping to at least catch the other in the middle of meditation so he could maybe get him to talk. It was oddly relaxing.

 

Hanzo turned, surprised to see McCree. “You're back.” There was a brief moment that passed before the man's expression softened. “I take it the mission was a success.”

 

“Was there any doubt with me on the job?” He tipped his hat and grinned widely with a chuckle.

 

He received a snort for that and Hanzo closed his eyes as he looked away. “And you are no better for it.”

 

“Harsh.” He was used to this. Hanzo usually sounded mean but he had learned the other was actually playfully jabbing at him. So he brushed it off. “And here I was hoping to meet up for our usual meditation but looks like you done and finished without me.” he sighed.

 

The look of genuine worry came over Hanzo's face. “My apologies. I did not know when you would be back or I would have waited.”

 

Dammit. “Aww...I didn't mean to make ya feel bad. I was just teasin'.” He rubbed at the back of his neck and slipped off his hat. “I just really enjoy it and after a long mission it sounded kinda nice to come sit with you.”

 

“You look as though you need rest.” The archer's voice was a bit stern, much like what Jesse imagined he sounded like when he would scold Genji back in the day.

 

“Do I look that bad?” He raised his brows and tried to smile but he actually hadn't looked at himself since he got back. Maybe he looked like hell.

 

Hanzo shook his head and came closer, staring at his face. “You're eyes look tired. You should sleep and tomorrow we will meditate together.”

 

Jesse actually froze up a moment. He'd never had Hanzo get so up close and staring at the man right in front of him made his stomach twist in knots something awful. He could see the man's pupils in his dark brown eyes and make out every hair in his carefully manicured facial hair. “Guess I should.” He tried to laugh, to keep his casual image up but damn if Hanzo couldn't knock his thoughts right out of his head sometimes. He'd never had a lot of trouble talking to attractive people but he also had never met anyone like Hanzo.

 

The other man seemed satisfied with that answer. “We will meet again tomorrow.” He reached to clap Jesse on the shoulder. A recent gesture when they parted. Hanzo slipped past the cowboy and headed for the door.

 

There was a moment where Jesse didn't know what to say or do but once his brain clicked back on he spun around almost clumsily and sputtered out, “Why don't we switch it up tomorrow?”

 

That made Hanzo stop and he glanced over his shoulder to look at McCree. He had one brow raised up curiously. Jesse found out that generally meant the other was intrigued enough to listen.

 

“We been coming up here a lot and it's nice but I have been wonderin' how well you do on the practice courses. Not just the group drills but solo.” He was hopeful. Something wanted him to try and take the man out of the little bubble they made here and try and broaden his horizons around the base. Sure it was still in the base. Even if he felt a bit jealous to have anyone else see Hanzo's many expressions he couldn't keep letting the man hide away. No amount of pride was worth doing that to him.

 

“Are you suggesting we compete against one another?” Hanzo voiced McCree's suggestion and then considered it. “Hmmm...I am curious. I have seen you in the field and you are reliable but I must admit I am curious how you manage to flank our enemies when you move so loudly.”

 

There he went again, ragging on his clothes. He wished he could do the same back but honestly he was afraid Hanzo might change something and he found the other too nice to look at as he was to risk it. “A little friendly competition ain't ever hurt no one. It'll be a nice little bit of fun too.” He winked.

 

The usual snort responded to him and finally Hanzo relented. “Fine. Then tomorrow I will meet you in the training room after dinner.”

 

“See ya then, Pardner.” He tipped his hat again as Hanzo turned to leave. Waiting till he was entirely alone he slipped off his hat and whistled, pleased he had managed to get the other to agree. That made not going immediately to bed all worth it. Speaking of bed he really needed to sleep. He needed to be at his best for tomorrow.

 

____________________________

 

 

He remembered one time back on the ranch there'd been a horse. A real wild and spirited black mare who was meaner than a raging bull and twice as clever. He swore to himself he'd get her to let him ride on her someday. Told everyone he'd break in that horse. Day in and out he tried to sneak up on her and climb on, only to end up with his face in the dirt and a new bruise from where her back hooves clipped him as she kicked him off. On and on it went till one day he had a fight with his mama and ran out to the fence hopping mad and crying harder than a desert storm. He'd leaned back on the fence, sniffling, looking a right mess. Then felt a little tickle against his hair. When he looked up there was that mare, glancing down at him before leaning in to rub her mouth along his cheeks in little nibbling motions. He'd laughed. That was the first time she ever let him pet her.

 

After that he went out to the fence and just waited for her. Eventually she trotted on over and she'd nibble at his hair and allow him a few pets before wandering off again. He stopped trying to chase her down and instead just watched from the fence, admiring how such a wild creature could exist. He actually began to feel sad they had her penned up. She was a free spirit, something that should be running the desert with a herd. When he heard his pa planned to sell her since he couldn't break her, Jesse snuck out of the house late at night and opened the gate. That horse ran right outta that fence in a flash and out across the ranch. He was sure he wouldn't ever see her again but he was glad. She was free and she deserved to be.

 

It wasn't till a week or so later he went out lizard hunting before he spotted her. She stared at him, still as a stone. At the time Jesse wasn't sure if she'd bolt or charge him. Instead she walked over slowly, right on up to him and sniffed his hair. From then on he'd run on off from the ranch and find her just waiting for him. They always greeted each other the same way. She'd sniff his hair and nibble at it and he'd pet her face and rub behind her ears. It was the damnedest thing really. He never understood why she had suddenly warmed up to him. It hit a point where she even let him sit on her. Oh he couldn't ride her. She refused to listen to him and when they moved it was cause she wanted to but he'd hold onto her mane and let her trot and gallop around, like she was showing him all the things she'd seen since leaving the ranch.

 

Things carried on like that for a while till he heard his pa talking about a herd of wild horses coming through. After that he'd go to meet the mare and she would be nowhere in sight. He figured she'd left with the herd, finally allowed to be what she was meant to. He still felt a bit sad. It was like he and the horse had become an odd pair of friends. Even if they couldn't understand each other they still enjoyed being around one another.

 

They saw the herd a few times a year and as he grew he'd always stop working to watch them. Sure enough there was a pure black horse who'd also stop, stare a moment then flip her head with a loud whinny before trotting off with the rest. He liked to think she always was just saying hello so he'd tip his hat or wave back.

 

He learned back then that no amount of force can make a free spirit do what you want. It was the same with people. If you pushed too hard, tried to make people bend to what you wanted to forcefully they'd just send you sprawling into the dirt. You had to be patient. Had to wait for them to respond in kind.

 

He realized right then that Hanzo was much the same. The other was lining up a shot, letting an arrow fly effortlessly from his bow, a little smile reaching his lips when he'd hit the bulls eye. He was beautiful and yet wild and untameable. Jesse was glad that he'd learned that lesson from that horse all those years ago cause if he hadn't he'd never of been patient enough to allow Hanzo to open up a bit to him.

 

“...McCree!” Hanzo's voice was a little louder than usual.

 

Jesse blinked and stared at him startled. “Huh?”

 

There was a stern frown and then a worried wrinkle of his brow. “Are you alright?”

 

Smiling, Jesse nodded and slipped off his hat to run his fingers through his hair before settling it back on his head. “Sorry, just daydreamin' a bit. Kinda get a bit caught up in watching how you shoot.”

 

That comment earned him a very intense side eye from the archer but he could of sworn he saw the faintest shade of rosy pink on those cheeks. “It's a wonder you can see so well with that hat.”

 

“Now now, I let you give me hell for everything else but I draw the line at the hat.” He moved closer to him, staring down at the man. “This here hat has been with me for a long time. Also keeps the sun outta my eyes so it's practical.”

 

Hanzo glanced up at the brim of the hat overhead. “I suppose so.”

 

Jesse's brows wrinkled and he reached up to take his hat off and placed it on Hanzo's head. “See, now you can shoot without the glare.” He gave a little laugh, seeing Hanzo who was about as traditionally Japanese as he ever saw wearing his hat and looking confused. Kind of reminded him of when he'd see the cat get it's head caught in something, leaning back to escape what was on it's head.

 

A tattooed arm reached up to take off the hat but instead of giving it back Hanzo glanced up at McCree and stared a moment. “How is it that a man so focused on such a loud style can have such messy hair?”

 

McCree gave a huff. “I swear you ain't gonna quit till you've nitpicked everything about me, Hanzo.” He took the hat back. “Now you're gonna give me hell about my hair.”

 

“It's just so unkempt.”

 

“Well I was wearing a hat so it's bound to get a bit messy.” He reached up to smooth back his hair but before he put his hat back on he noticed Hanzo was staring. “You want a picture? It'll last longer.”

 

The line seemed to confuse the other a moment before his eyes went wide and he huffed. “I was just wondering if you always keep it like that”

 

“Like what? I don't do anything in particular with it other than a cut now and again.” He reached up to tug at a strand, feeling it between his real fingers. “Suppose I could do to maybe do a bit more sometimes. Maybe I should tie it up like you.”

 

That got him a chuckle. “That would be interesting to see.”

 

“Yeah? Well, let's give it a try.” Jesse reached over to grab the golden ribbon from Hanzo's hair, tugging it and setting the dark locks free. “I'll just borrow this.”

 

“McCree!” Hanzo grabbed for it and frowned as the cowboy went about tying up his hair.

 

“Don't get your panties in a twist I just wanna see.” He fiddled with the long fabric, trying to get it just right and tied it, turning back to Hanzo. “Well?” Oh. He hadn't really paid much attention when he did it but seeing Hanzo's hair down was quite a shock. It fell onto his shoulders, thick dark strands flowing a bit in the breeze. Seeing how it framed his face made those eyes look even darker, more hypnotic than they ever did. He wanted to touch it. His hair. His face.

 

Hanzo only stared, focusing on Jesse's hair all tied back and gave him a bemused smirk. “You're hair is still a mess.” Another huff and then he was reaching up, trying to calm the wild strands of Jesse's own unruly hair back into the ponytail. “How can your hair be so disobedient? It's like it has a life of it's own.”

 

Finger's slid against Jesse's scalp, gently, methodically and he realized his heart was pounding so loudly he could hear the blood rushing in his ears. His eyes finally locked with Hanzo's and there was a brief moment where he swore he saw the other man's lips part and a little gasp escaped, or maybe that was him.

 

As quickly as it happened they parted and Hanzo took a large step back, staring at McCree. “Give it back.” he held out his hand.

 

Reluctantly Jesse reached up and tugged his hair free, handing the golden fabric back to the other man. “Guess it just don't suit me much.”

 

Sadly the second Hanzo had that ribbon back he was tying his hair back up and that brief moment passed. Collecting his bow he glanced back at Jesse briefly before walking back toward him. He took the hat from the cowboy's hand and put it back on his messy hair. “You should stick to your silly hat.”

 

Shit. He swallowed and forced a smile on his face. Somehow even a laugh came out of his mouth. That seemed to be enough because Hanzo started heading for the door, only stopping when he realized Jesse didn't follow.

 

“I think I'm just gonna practice a bit more. Can't have you showing me up when we do this again.” he hooked his thumbs into his belt loops, trying to put up a smug front.

 

“I look forward to being impressed then.” Another smile and then he was gone like a lightning bolt. A flash of destruction before leaving just as quick.

 

Jesse McCree had a bit of an epiphany then. Somehow, without him really meaning to he'd gone and gotten himself totally smitten with Hanzo. He took off his hat and raked his hands through his hair with a growl. “Well don't that just beat all.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh I was so excited to write that scene with the hair. I have seen some cute images of Jesse with his hair tied back and this scene popped into my head and I just HAD to put it in the fic. I love his cute messy hair. <3
> 
> Sorry for any typos and mistakes. I have no Beta and I was just so excited to post this I only read it a couple times over to make sure I didn't have any glaring mistakes. Will probably find like twenty tomorrow. OTL


	3. Impulse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the delay. I actually got caught up playing Overwatch a lot the last couple days and doing competitive so....ahahahahaha.
> 
> Anyways here's chapter 3 and Oh man I wanted to get to this one so badly. I could of posted last night but it was very late when I finished and I didn't have energy to read it over a couple times and clean it up so yeah.
> 
> ENJOY!

How the hell did one go about telling a man like Hanzo Shimada that you had a crush on him? Lord knows he wished he had an answer but truth be told Jesse had no clue. It was a struggle just to act normal around the man now that he was painfully aware of him. He almost wished he was still blissfully ignorant of it. At the beginning he'd simply been admiring the man, enjoying the little hints of his thoughts and feeling through those brief expressions but now he was so hyper aware of every gesture it was driving him crazy. He'd suggested some target practice instead of meditating cause he couldn't sit still next to the man without itching to try and make a move. Especially since he still didn't know how to make a move.

 

He'd even lost sleep over it, waking up too early from far too graphic dreams and sporting a hard on he had to deal with one way or another. Cold showers only went so far. Thoughts of the man even cut into when he should have been paying attention during meetings. Which was why he got thrown on supply run detail with Genji. He was pretty sure Jack did it as punishment since he clearly wasn't listening. Jerk.

 

Jesse dressed down in a plain flannel shirt and jeans so he wouldn't stand out too much and went to meet Genji at the unmarked truck they kept on base. They had a few contacts in town that could get them certain tech and ammo that they couldn't easily get through legal means. It wasn't as though he hadn't done that in the days of Blackwatch. They had been the covert group. The ones who'd do the dirty business if need be. Never had sat right with him. He had a feeling Reyes knew and why he probably hadn't been surprised when Jesse split before the big coup. Sometimes he wished he'd been there to talk some sense into the man before he went off the deep end. He'd seen it coming and said nothing.

 

Realizing his mind was wandering he quickly glanced at Genji who was being as stoic as a ninja could look. Or maybe he was sleeping. He never could tell with that visor on. “Ready to move along?” He asked, climbing into the truck.

 

“I'm waiting on you.” The cyborg answered, a tiny tone of humor in his robotic voice.

 

“Yeah yeah, let's get goin' then. I'll stop wasting time.” He grinned and started the truck, pulling out of the base. He'd known Genji since way back when he was in Blackwatch. Back then Genji had been a lot more quiet, angry. Now he was all about serenity and peace. Couldn't say he didn't like it. It was good to see the other doing better. He'd even gone and forgave his brother and dragged the man here. Too bad someone Genji considered a friend was thinking about his big brother in the way Jesse was. He sighed and lit up a cigarillo, clamping down hard on it with his teeth as he thought.

 

“You seem troubled?” Genji's voice drifted from the other side of the truck even though he didn't turn his head.

 

“Do I?” He took out the smoke and held it between his fingers, shifting the truck into a higher gear.

 

“My brother,” There was almost an unnaturally long pause between that and the rest of Genji's sentence. Jesse wondered if it was on purpose to rattle him, “he said you have been spending time together.”

 

“Did he now?” Raising his brows, kept his eyes on the road, trying to not appear so interested. He wasn't some high schooler wondering what their crush said about them. He wasn't.

 

“Not exactly like that no. He has mentioned you frequently in passing. Almost too much.” There was a chuckle in his words. “And you have been sneaking off after dinner around the time he has so I put it together.”

 

“Not like we're trying to hide anything.” He flicked the ash out the window. “Your brother and me been hanging out a bit. Talking. He's a good guy.” He hoped he didn't sound defensive. He didn't want to seem that way but his heart was pounding in a tiny bit of panic. He was still coming to terms with how to deal with this and he didn't want Genji chasing him off before he could decide.

 

“I am glad he has made a friend. When Hanzo first came I was worried he would close himself off from everyone unless it was a mission.” The man's voice was almost softer than Jesse had heard in a while. It made him realize that Genji truly did care about his brother. He had to admit he was a bigger man than most. To forgive such a thing. Though Jesse hadn't exactly heard the whole story, and based on how Hanzo acted when he first arrived he could see that it weighed heavy on him.

 

And now he was back to thinking of Hanzo. “Your brother is a pretty interesting guy. Can't help but be curious 'bout him.” That was true enough. He'd tried to get closer cause he was curious. Now he was in a mess over him.

 

“My brother is stubborn.” The cyborg commented fondly. “But when he makes a choice he sees it through so I am glad he chose to join Overwatch. I do not expect to go back to the way things were before and I would not wish them to. We were both foolish back then, burdened by our own choices. I am a different person now and so is Hanzo. I just hope that his growth will be as positive as mine.”

 

“I wouldn't worry too much about it. He seems to be doing alright when we have a chance to talk. In fact he likes to tell me stories about you two when you were kids.” He grinned as he recalled the stories.

 

“He does?” Finally Genji turned his head and even thought McCree couldn't see his face he could sense the surprise.

 

Chuckling he flicked the cigarillo's ash out the window again. “Oh yeah. Told me all about the trouble you used to get into and how he'd bail you out with your dad. Also told me you used to never sit still for meditation and would always high tail it out of there the second your teachers eyes were off ya.”

 

The other man laughed. “I always found it hard to sit still for so long.” Turning Genji stared out the window. “I am surprised he spoke with you about our past. I would have thought he would wish to not think of it let alone tell someone else.”

 

Jesse glanced over, wondering if it was bad he knew. Genji quickly answered that for him.

 

“I am glad. It seems he thinks well of you to speak of our past so freely.” Turning back he reached over to clap Jesse on the shoulder. “Thank you.”

 

He wanted to crawl in a hole. “Don't thank me. It ain't like I went in tryin' to help him mend old scars it just sort of happened.” And his very deep crush sorta happened too.

 

“All the same I thank you. Even if it was not intended the results are the same.”

 

He had to wonder about that. It was true he and Hanzo had become something like friends though he still didn't exactly know what the archer thought of him. Add in this little less than platonic feeling he had for the man and it could cause a bigger issue. He resisted the urge to sigh and pulled into the place they met their contact. Adjusting his hat he got out and walked with Genji. He certainly hoped no matter what he ended up doing it didn't cause issues between the brothers. Genji was a friend and Hanzo was too, to a degree. He just knew if he didn't figure something out he might slip up and chase Hanzo away.

 

 

When they got back to the Watch point he let out a groan as he stretched. They'd managed to either order what they needed or load up everything with little trouble but man did that make his back ache a bit to carry all them heavy boxes to the truck. He stared at their haul and sighed.

 

“Should we get some of the others to help?” Genji asked, staring at their shipment.

 

“Naw, I'll get to it. I think imma have me a smoke first then I'll unload it. You can go on ahead.” He smirked.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Go on. You said you had a thing with Zenyatta ya wanted to get back in time for. I got this.” He shooed the cyborg away, watching his visored head glanced at him before he headed off. Funny how he barely made a sound when he walked. It reminded him of when he'd hear Hanzo coming. The little pitter patter of his feet. It was so subtle and normally you couldn't hear it over the sound of gunfire but he had taken to noticing it and always found comfort in it, knowing the man was nearby.

 

Alone he lit up another smoke and sighed, leaning on the truck. What was he going to do? He still had no answer. Checking the time he realized that Hanzo might be at their spot. He shouldn't go but habit was a hard thing to break and meeting up with Hanzo at these times had become a serious habit. He glanced at the truck and decided he could deal with it later. However he should move it inside since it was looking like it was gonna rain soon. He glanced up at the dark clouds rolling in from the ocean.

 

It was then he heard the distinct shuffling of feet, so soft and subtle. He turned and saw Hanzo coming out. “Well, this is a surprise.” he grinned.

 

“I saw that Genji had returned and spoke with him. He said you were unloading the supplies on your own.” The man glanced at the truck. “I came to help.”

 

“Aw, you came to give 'ol McCree a hand. I'm touched.” He laughed and placed a hand over his chest, wishing he wasn't so damned happy the other showed up. He was still struggling with what to do.

 

Hanzo frowned a little. “If you prefer I can go and you can do it yourself.”

 

Jesse's laugh became more of a nervous chuckle. “No no. I 'ppreciate the help. I honestly wasn't sure if I was gonna be able to unload all this before I broke my back.”

 

That seemed to stop the other man's retreat but then Hanzo smirked and Jesse was sure he'd been shot with an arrow through the heart. “I somehow doubt how appreciative you are with my assistance.” he crossed his arms.

 

Well hell. He was sure Hanzo was sassing him now. “Well I would get on my knees and beg but you might need to help me back up if I gotta stay like that for too long.”

 

Hanzo chuckled. “You're getting better at it.” He walked over. “Come. Let's unload the supplies.” He walked around the truck and checked how the boxes were stacked before finding one to move.

 

Jesse pulled off his hat and watched the man a moment before moving to help him. If Hanzo got any more charming he was gonna be in a world of trouble.

 

 

____________________________

 

 

They were just unloading the last of the boxes when the rain hit. It was just when they were trying to to move the heaviest one off the truck that Jesse felt a few rain drops hit him. When he looked up it was as if the sky opened up and dumped a bucket of water right on them. They struggled a little, needing to get it to the overhead covering by the door at least. There was a couple moments he was sure his fingers would slip but Hanzo pushed against him more to keep the box steady and they got it close enough, dropping it as gently as they could before rushing near the door to hide from the rain.

 

He slipped off his hat and shook it, seeing the water flick from it. “Whoo wee, that came on sudden.” Staring out at the base he watched the rain come down in sheets. He was soaked all the way through his clothes.

 

Hanzo hummed in agreement next to him and shook water from him as well.

 

Out of the corner of his eyes Jesse saw the man slip the ribbon from his hair and try and wring the water from the dark strands. Slowly he turned his head and stared in awe of him. With his hair free and damp it looked even darker save for the silver tufts as his temples, but lord he was beautiful. Swallowing he couldn't top himself from voicing his thoughts. “You really are the prettiest damn thing I ever saw.”

 

Hanzo turned and looked at him confused. For a moment he seemed to not have heard Jesse but then his eyes widened as it processed and the archer opened his mouth then closed it, struck with surprise.

 

Staring back, Jesse felt his heart slamming against his ribcage in wild excitement.

 

“What are you talking about? Don't tell me you've already developed a fever from being out in the rain.” He brushed his hair from his face and looked away but the pink on his cheeks was obvious.

 

“Maybe I do have a fever,” He took a step toward him, “Feels like I do whenever I'm around you lately. My head gets all kinds of muddled.” His hand moved, reaching out to grasp at Hanzo's hair, feeling the dampness of it and watched as a few drops of water slide through his fingers.

 

“McCree?” Hanzo looked up at him, his expression unreadable mostly because Jesse had never seen it before.

 

Moving closer he noticed he had Hanzo clearly pinned between him and the wall of the narrow passage. “You keep looking at me like that and I might end up doing something stupid.” He leaned in close, seeing Hanzo's face inches away. Those dark eyes staring at him as if they would bore into his soul. “Just say the word and I'll back off, but if not then I am gonna kiss you.”

 

Silence. There was a faint noise of someone swallowing and Jesse couldn't tell who it was but with no word of protest from Hanzo he leaned in and found the man's lips with his own. He could feel the tension in his mouth for a brief moment and then it melted away, becoming pliant under his lips. Tilting his head he sought out the perfect angle and then slid his tongue along the man's bottom lip. That earned him a barely audible gasp from Hanzo and responded with his own. Even the heat between them had grown more intense and while it could have been due to the chill the rain gave them he liked to think it was more.

 

Jesse pressed closer, feeling Hanzo's hands at his shirt, gripping at the fabric. His own hands rested at the archer's hips, kneading in an attempt to try and keep them from wandering too much. He ached to touch him all over. To explore the body he'd dreamed about. His kiss grew more insistent, trying to pry Hanzo's mouth open and when he succeeded he gave a pleased growl that rumbled in his chest. He only broke the kiss to nibble at the other man's lips playfully.

 

“...McCree.” There was a weak gasp from Hanzo as the kiss broke briefly.

 

He pulled back to look at him, seeing his expression unlike any he'd seen before. God if he could just capture this moment forever. “Hanzo...” His words didn't get much farther. The sound of heavy footsteps were on the other side of the door and right before it opened Hanzo tensed and shoved Jesse back from him, staring wide eyed. He looked like he'd just realized what they'd been doing.

 

Jesse wanted to ask but the very surprised voice of Zarya called out to him. “Jesse! Hanzo! What are you both doing standing around soaking wet?” Her strong voice echoed in the narrow space.

 

Hanzo didn't answer and instead averted his gaze from the both of them.

 

That gave Jesse a very painful ache in his chest but he didn't have time to ask about it. He barely had time to think properly. “Ah, we were just unloading the truck when the rain hit. Bout near drowned us. Right, Hanzo?” He smiled at the man, begging with his eyes for some response but the other man gave him none.

 

“Did you unload it all? I came to help since I heard you were back.” Zarya was none the wiser and kept her focus mostly on Jesse since Hanzo refused to make eye contact.

 

“No, we got it all. Thanks though.” He grinned wider, wondering if he smiled enough he could get some pity from whatever god was watching them.

 

“I have something I must get to.” Hanzo muttered and quickly slipped past Zarya.

 

That sealed it. Running a hand over his face Jesse wondered if he could instead get swallowed up by the ocean. He hadn't meant to come on so strong. Hell, he didn't even plan to do anything about it yet but he'd lost his cool. Seeing Hanzo like that had set him off, and for a bit he was sure the man felt the same, but he must of just gotten swept up in the moment.

 

Confused Zarya watched Hanzo retreat before looking at McCree. “Is he alright?”

 

“Oh..yeah. He had something to get to and I kinda wrangled him into helping me first.” Jesse gave a weak laugh. “I should probably go get outta these wet clothes.” He excused himself, walking back into the base. However when he got back to his room he just leaned back on the door and slid down to the floor. Rubbing his face with both hands he groaned. What had he done?

 

He let his head sink down and his arms rest on his knees. He kept replaying Hanzo's expression when he'd shoved him away over and over. That wasn't the look of a man who was embarrassed. It was the look of a man afraid and he'd done that to him. Hanzo saw him as a friend, maybe, and he'd just kissed him and pawed at him like some kinda beast. He brushed his hair back from his face and finally sat back against the door. “Well, Jesse, you gone and fucked up again.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cackles* I am sorry for this cliffhanger. I am.
> 
> I've been thinking about this scene for weeks and hope I captured the scene of them kissing with the same impact it had when I saw it in my head. Poor Jesse. I adore him so and I also adore Hanzo.
> 
> Next chapter is already partially done and I plan to try and work on it today and finish by tomorrow so the wait won't be so long. Hope you guys liked it.


	4. A New Scar

The thing about not getting a lot of sleep and then sitting around moping with wet clothes on is you wake up feeling like hell the next day. He groaned and opened his eyes to stare at the ceiling, wishing his head would either split open or stop pounding cause it was unbearable. Flinging an arm over his eyes he let out a ragged sigh before risking a glance at his clock. It was 6:30AM. Many others probably were getting up, maybe even considering breakfast but he wasn't thinking about food. He was thinking he should go back to sleep.

 

With all his strength he sat up and then thought better of it. The room spun a bit and he fell back on his pillow. Of course he'd catch a cold. He wasn't no spring chicken anymore and he'd been sleeping like hell and then yesterday...he thought of yesterday and groaned once more.

 

With a message sent to Angela he rolled back over and covered his face with the covers. He'd have to skip out today. He was in no condition to be getting up and honestly he wanted an excuse to avoid Hanzo. Just for a day. Besides, he was still struggling with what to do. Chances were Hanzo did not feel the same and he'd need to apologize, probably try and mend whatever damage he'd done to their friendship. Even if the other didn't feel the same he didn't want to lose that connection. If he had to hold these feelings in he would, as painful as it might be.

 

Angela arrived about twenty minutes later with some cold medicine and a strict order for him to get some rest. “Doctor's orders”, she'd said with a smirk. Alone again he slipped off his shirt and tossed it to the floor, wondering if he had a fever too. He was sweating something awful but felt cold at the same time. As the drugs hit him he fell asleep, his mind hazy either from the cold or the medicine. Either way he forgot the pain in his head and was able to relax into a semi-peaceful sleep. It wasn't till a couple hours later when he heard a knock at his door that he bothered to try and sit up. He'd been dozing, somewhere between consciousness and sleep when the knock came. He figured it was Angela again with food and to make sure he was resting. “It's open.” he called, shifting the sheets around his waist.

 

Instead of the blond doctor he was graced with the sight of a dark haired beauty that had been driving him crazy for weeks. Hanzo had a tray of food and stood in the doorway. When his eyes met Jesse's they went a bit wide before looking away.

 

Confused for a oment, Jesse then realized he probably looked naked from the other's point of view and shifted the sheets. “Well, howdy. Surprised to see you here.”

 

“Doctor Ziegler said that you were ill and I offered to bring you some food. You were missing at breakfast.” The way he said it it was as though Hanzo had made a point to ask about him. He came into the room and went to put the tray of food down on the bedside table.

 

You could of cut the tension in the room with a knife. Swallowing a lump in his throat Jesse glanced at the tray. “Thank you kindly.” Oh god he'd not been prepared for this. He hadn't expected to see him today, especially when his head was foggy from the cold.

 

“It is no trouble.” The man's eyes had still not meet McCree's and he did not move from the bedside.

 

Floundering with what to say Jesse shifted on the bed. “You want to sit a spell? Not to close though. I might get you sick if I haven't already.” he laughed but the look on Hanzo's face killed it.

 

Hanzo's cheeks had gone a little pink and his brows furrowed slightly.

 

Jesse realized he probably just reminded the man of the kiss and tried to cover it up. “I..uh...you know what I mean...since we hang out together so much.” Shit.

 

Somehow though Hanzo did not flee like he had the day before and grabbed the chair across the room, dragging it over to Jesse's bedside and sat down, arms and legs crossed. It was like he was already setting up his defenses.

 

With not much else to do he grabbed the tray of food and began to eat at the porridge. It was unlike anything he'd ever eaten before and had a little twinge of something in it he couldn't place.

 

“It's rice porridge with chopped leeks in it. It will help your cold.” Hanzo answered, probably seeing the look on Jesse's face as he ate. “It is a common thing in japan to have during a cold.”

 

“You made it?” He looked at the man, finally meeting his eyes.

 

Hanzo nodded, quickly looking down. “I was told you were ill and had not eaten so I thought...”

 

“You really are something.” He smiled and stared down at the porridge, feeling his chest ache. He didn't deserve him as a friend. “Hanzo...I'm sorry if I overstepped. I wasn't thinking too clearly yesterday...”

 

“You were catching a cold. It probably just muddled your senses—”

 

“No, no I meant it. I meant to do it. I knew what I was doing but I didn't mean to go about it like that.” he set the spoon down. “I...Hanzo I like to think you an' me have been getting close lately. Maybe even could call us friends.” Jesse looked at Hanzo for some sort of reassurance.

 

The other man nodded. “We are...friends.”

 

“Yeah, an' I wanna be able to keep you as a friend but...well the thing is I have been thinking about you as something besides a friend. I wasn't really sure what I was gonna do about it but I just...” He tried to find the right way to say it. “See that kiss was something I've been wantin' to do. I wanna kiss you, and touch you, and....more than that.” As the words flew from him he could see Hanzo's complexion shift to a more vibrant pink than he'd ever seen. “I'm sorry if that's a shock but I wanna be clear. Yesterday wasn't cause of no cold or anything. It's cause I saw you and I just couldn't stop myself. You just looked so pretty and I—“

 

“McCree!” Hanzo said Jesse's name firmly, louder than the man usually spoke. “Please...that is enough. I understand.”

 

Sighing, Jesse raked his fingers through his hair. “Sorry...”

 

The silence between them started to grow again and based on how Hanzo was shifting in his seat it seemed like he was getting ready to bolt.

 

So Jesse made a decision. “Look, I ain't an idiot. I thought that I was gettin' signals from you that it was okay but based on your reaction I can see I was wrong, an' I'm sorry for that. Now I really like you but I ain't about forcing my feelings on someone who don't want them so here's the deal. If you think you might think of me the same then all you gotta do is give me a clear sign and there will be no force on earth that'll stop me from taking you in my arms and repeating that kiss.” Damn, his chest was tight. He felt like he couldn't breathe but he needed to say this. “But if you don't then just do nothing. I can take a hint. If I don't get your consent I'll back off and we can go back to just being friends.”

 

“Can we? Can you?” Now Hanzo was looking at him, worry and confusion and maybe even embarrassment mixed on his face.

 

“I gotta.” Jesse smiled painfully at him. “Cause I like you, but I also know I wanna keep you as a friend cause I really do like the time we spend together. So if all I can have is that then I'll take it. Nothin' ever came from being too greedy.”

 

There was a little huff from Hanzo and then the man looked down. “I do not know what to think of all this. I am still...going over what happened yesterday.”

 

“No rush. You just take your time and think on it.” If there was even a slight chance Hanzo might feel the same he didn't want to rush it. He was already bracing himself for the inevitable heartbreak though.

 

Hanzo just nodded. “You should get some rest. I believe that Winston is planning a mission soon and we will need you.” He stood and moved to the door.

 

“Thanks again for the food.” Usually he didn't hate watching the other leave this much. It was like his heart was being tugged out of his chest.

 

With one fleeting look over his shoulder Hanzo left Jesse's room.

 

Jesse sat back, staring at the door then down at the food still on his lap. Even after everything the man had made him food, worried about him, and even stayed to sit a while. He couldn't tell what that meant. Was Hanzo just worried over a friend? Had he just come to seek answers? Or had the man really thought a cold had somehow made Jesse kiss him? There was no telling. He was in uncharted territory now when it came to Hanzo. Every new expression no longer brought the same curious excitement. It brought nervous fear and uncertainty because he had a larger stake in them now.

 

 

____________________________

 

 

After a solid day of rest he was back to normal, mostly. Had to hand it to the advancements in medicine nowadays. He still couldn't seem to have a proper conversation with Hanzo, and the man had actually not shown up for their usual meeting. Should have figured. Jesse had still been a bit addled when they spoke the day before so he might have been a bit too honest but he meant every word. He would of liked nothing more than to take their relationship in a new, more romantic direction but the other man needed to give him a sign. The problem was he didn't even know if Hanzo would give him a sign like he was used to or it would be a more subtle, Hanzo-esque sign.

 

Fortunately he didn't have to worry about what to do with himself for long. They had to prep for a mission and ended up running some serious drills. He threw himself into it, needing to burn off the energy and try and get his head on straight. He couldn't just mope around and wait for Hanzo to respond . He had a job and so did Hanzo and if he slacked that wouldn't impress the man much.

 

After several days they were on a plane to King's Row to deliver a payload. He stared around the plane at Lucio and Hana playing some games, psyching each other up. Reinhardt and Ana were also there, chatting at the table across from the two gamers. Hanzo was on his side of the plane but on the opposite end of the table. He hadn't looked over at Jesse once as far as he could tell. “Glad you're coming on this with us. It's always nice to have you watchin' my back.” He smiled over at him, trying to break the ice. It was like trying to start all over again with him.

 

Hanzo didn't respond at first but finally glanced over. “You needn't worry. Just be sure to keep your own mind focused on the mission ahead.” Their eyes met and Hanzo attempted to glance away before looking back at Jesse. “I will watch your back.”

 

He smiled and tipped his hat. “Much appreciated.” Well, that was something. Jesse hoped that at least meant they were still friends. Comrades in arms, sure, but he really wanted to be able to talk to him again. Talking with Hanzo and hearing his stories had always been a highlight of his day. He really shouldn't have opened his big mouth. Sure, he could of blamed it on his cold, but that was never his style. He owned up to what he did; he just wished he had been a bit smarter about his impulses.

 

When they landed the entire team went over the plan again and unloaded, fanning out slightly as Reinhardt, Lucio and Hana took up the front to secure the payload. Hanzo as usual scaled the nearest building and moved along the rooftops as graceful as a cat. He had to admire him a second before focusing, moving around the back alleys to make sure no one was trying to sneak up on them. He heard footsteps every now and then but knew those anywhere. It was Ana, moving around at their rear to ensure no one tried to pick them off. That old gal was still such a firecracker. He didn't think she'd ever slow down.

 

For the first while everything seemed fine. They were moving the payload with no interference and all checked in to clear the areas they were in. However, Jesse couldn't help feeling uncertain. He had expected at least some stragglers checking them out even if there was no outright resistance. It was too quiet.

 

He heard the blast before he could make out Reinhardt on the comms, saying an explosion had completely blocked off the street they were going through. He made a mad dash around the perimeter, looking for any signs of an ambush. Catching movement out of the corner of his eye he slipped around the corner. It was an omnic, one of the rogue ones that had given them trouble here before. Jesse slipped Peacekeeper out of it's holster and hurried around to flank them, firing off a few shots to take out a couple at the back before they noticed him. It directed attention from the front long enough for Reinhardt to charge them. The big guy mowed them down, placing up a barrier in time for a volley of shots from above. Those quickly ceased and Jesse could make out the familiar pitter patter above and knew it was Hanzo. He couldn't help smirking as he moved around the ambush.

 

“They've made a barricade ahead. All other routes are blocked off.” Hana spoke over the comm and then her mech was seen blasting off down the alleyway to fire at the omnics behind the barrier. She got down a few before she threw up her defense matrix and slipped back behind Reinhardt's shield.

 

Jesse took that opportunity to rush them, tossing out a stun grenade and quick firing. The immediate threat ahead was easily dispatched and he moved to rejoin the others, checking in.

 

“I heard some of them trying to slip around us but lost sight of them.” Lucio skated up, checking in to make sure Hana and Reinhardt weren't injured.

 

“Don't worry, I'll give 'em a little surprise. You just keep pushing the payload forward.” Jesse gave them a wink and a little tip of his hat before moving through the buildings and around. He had to slip in through a broken window, careful to not get caught on the glass and then took the backdoor out to the alley that lead past where they'd had the original route blocked. There was still sounds of gunfire and the very distinct battle cry of Reinhardt but so far it seemed they were having no trouble. He found the bundle of omnics waiting with another charge set to collapse some of the catwalks down on the group and he quickly fired at them, taking down three before he had to take cover. “I got about six of them ready to blow the whole damn street. Don't move the payload further till I clear them.” He could hear static and then another voice come through.

 

“McCree, stay down.” It was Hanzo. Immediately after that the man's vice could be heard from above and that cry for his dragons rang out before the sweeping blue creatures flooded down the street past Jesse and took out the omnics.

 

Giving a low whistle he stared at the almost elegant destruction before glancing up, seeing Hanzo looking down at him from the roof. He smiled and tipped his hat, but before he could speak to the archer there was a shot and he saw Hanzo jerk and fall back out of his sight. His heart about stopped. Oh god no.

 

As quick as he disappeared Hanzo was back up with an arrow notched and let it fly despite the blood already leaking over his eye. The arrow sank into the forehead of an omnic that had escaped the dragons and got one shot off.

 

“...is the route clear?” the voice was barely audible to him over the comms.

 

He stared up at Hanzo, seeing the wound above his left eye, the blood flowing in almost startlingly copious amounts.

 

“Jesse, is the route clear?” Ana now spoke over the comms, loud and stern in a way that snapped Jesse out of his daze.

 

“Ah..yeah the route is clear. Move it out.” He took a deep breath, realizing he'd been holding it the whole time. He watched Hanzo slip to the next rooftop and moved to catch up with the others, trying to calm his racing heart. He'd never been so scared in his whole life and that was saying something. He had done some damn dangerous things from the time he was a teenager to now, but lord if his heart didn't just about stop when he thought Hanzo had taken a bullet to the head.

 

With the payload delivered they all were on their way back to Gibralter. Jesse was sitting in a seat, staring across the plane at the others. Hanzo sat at his right side as quiet as usual. He glanced over at him. Lucio had checked over Hanzo's wound and wrapped it, the bandage hanging down over his eye slightly to keep the blood from trying to drip into it. The bullet had apparently grazed him but it wasn't some little scratch and had cut pretty deep so he'd need to have it properly looked at when they got back just in case. All Jesse could think was that if he'd been a bit more efficient then Hanzo wouldn't of had to bail him out and almost gotten himself killed. If he hadn't tried to make contact with him in the middle of a god damn firefight then Hanzo would have been more alert.

 

“What is it?” Hanzo asked, his eyes still facing forward.

 

Jesse tensed, noticing that he'd been staring. “Just a damn shame is all. That's probably gonna leave a scar.” He looked at the bandage, already seeing it tinged red with blood. It was probably slowing by now but it made the sight all the more unsettling.

 

“One or two scars is hardly a worry.” Finally looking over, Hanzo's eyes met Jesse's. “I live to fight another day and our mission was a success.”

 

“Yeah but you almost got killed cause of me. Hanzo, if that bullet had been just a little more to the left your eye could of gotten shot clean out and—“

 

“This is not your fault, Jesse.” That was probably the first time Hanzo had even spoke his given name. “Please do not blame yourself. This was my own fault for not making sure all the enemies were dispatched.” Hanzo reached over, laying his hand on Jesse's arm. “It is a small price to pay for my negligence.”

 

He swallowed back his words, instead focusing on the feel of Hanzo's warm skin against his. “Ya know, I was starting to wonder if you knew my first name.” he teased.

 

“I thought it would get your attention.” The other man responded and then there was a small smirk.

 

Jesse laughed in response and relaxed against the seat. “Well, you're right about that. Kinda hope you don't just use that when you wanna get all stern with me though.”

 

“That all depends on if you insist on doing foolish things such as blaming yourself for things that are not your fault.” Hanzo's hand moved off Jesse's arm but he settled it next to the cowboy's hand.

 

Reaching up with his prosthetic hand, Jesse lowered his hat over his face to try and hide his grin and his slightly warm cheeks. Was it so bad he was going to soak this contact up for all it was worth? “Well now, see that might be a problem. You know I'm a foolish man at heart.”

 

“I do.” Came a gruff response, but it had a warm tone to it, much like when the man would speak of the days when he and Genji were young.

 

A silence fell between them but Hanzo never did move his hand away. There remained that faint physical contact between them. Jesse respected that and didn't try for more. He didn't try and take the man's hand in his own even if he wanted to badly. He told Hanzo he would wait for the man to give him a sign, a clear sign. Until then he was going to keep his impulses in check. Besides, matters of the heart didn't have much place here where he was still a bit shaken up about almost losing Hanzo. He could take comfort and knowing they made it out alive even if Hanzo would have a new scar on the outside of the his body now. At least they seemed to be able to talk again.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TA DA! Some more drama and hey I can somewhat write some action. Who knew? Things are gonna start getting a little more complex hopefully. 
> 
> Also you may have noticed if you've been reading from the start I'm adding some new tags in as the plot progresses and I solidify where I'm going with it. So take note if you're worried about this story having stuff you don't like.
> 
> BTW there will be sex. I will write it I swear. Not sure how graphic it's gonna be just yet. guess I'll see how the mood goes.


	5. Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. It was a hellish work week and I was on my own since my coworker in my department was on vacation. However I have a new chapter up! It's not as long as the last but it felt right this long before I give you some more drama. *cackles*
> 
> ENJOY!

 

Even though they were alive he couldn't seem to feel as happy as he should. The mission was a success and no one died but he still had a bad taste in his mouth. He kept thinking of Hanzo almost taking a bullet to the head. In the end the wound hadn't been severe and a few stitches sealed it right up. Apparently it'd be a nice little scar through his eyebrow, but when Jesse saw the angry red mark that marred his face it was a bitter reminder that he was a screw up even when he tried so hard not to be. Sure he tried to do right and he had done a lot of good in the world even when Blackwatch had done some shady things. Still sometimes when he'd make a mess of things he'd remember that stupid kid who thought it would be a good idea to join a gang of robbers and arms dealers.

 

But Jesse McCree was no longer that dumb kid. He was a grown ass man who was dealing with a crush unlike any he'd had before and coming to terms with the thought that Hanzo wasn't going to return his feelings.

 

After the successful mission it was back to business as usual at the base. Since things had gotten a little tense they all met up for some sparing practice together. Everyone broke off into pairs and Jesse stared across from him at the woman who, while older, was still as terrifying as he remembered back when he joined Blackwatch. Ana Amari was a legend really and up till a few months ago he'd been sure she was dead. Now here she was alive and as terrifying as ever even with the missing eye. In fact that made her look even scarier to him. Of course he loved the old gal and had the greatest respect for her. She was a mother to them all in a weird way and having her watching their backs was a great comfort.

 

“Now go easy on me. Some of us ain't as spry as you.” He winked at her which got him a little composed chuckle.

 

“I'm sure you'll make it worth my while.” She flexed her hands and shifted her body into position.

 

That was Jesse's cue to get ready. Ana was smaller than him, and older. He had a few thoughts that he didn't want to hurt her but knew if he thought that too much she'd take offense. This was practice so he didn't need to go all out but he needed to take it serious. Staring at her he made his move, just looking to pin her. That failed miserably since when he grabbed her and tried to tug her arm behind her back she flipped right over his shoulder and onto his back, knocking him off balance for a moment. He gave up his footing and just rolled, turning to try and get her in front of him again. He did it just in time to block a leg kick, then a punch that just about hit his stomach. “Easy now. Don't want you to wear yourself out too soon.” He laughed.

 

“You always did talk too much, my boy.” Ana threw him a small smirk and then was on him, managing to complete the move Jesse failed at earlier.

 

Dammit. They danced around like this for a while. He'd try and get her in some sort of arm or head lock and then she'd be on him, twisting her body in ways a woman her age shouldn't be. Whenever he managed to get her off him she'd shift and land like a cat on her feet, only hesitating a moment before counter attacking. Honestly it was almost scary.

 

He remembered when he first came to Overwatch. He'd been a cocky little shit and had mouthed off to everyone at first. A false sense of bravado he'd learned working with the Deadlock Gang. Reyes quickly broke that out of him, affectionately of course. Ana on the other hand had put him in his place the first time they sparred like this. She'd knocked him clean on his ass and stared down at him in that knowing, motherly way before reaching her hand out to him. He never lacked in respect for her after that.

 

His mind had wandered a little because when he finally focused again she was in fact flipping him straight on his ass and he hit the mat with a loud thud, a gasp of breath escaping his lungs.

 

“You need to stop day dreaming and focus.” Ana stood over him, her gaze stern. She reached a hand down to him and helped him up.

 

“Sorry, guess I got a bit sentimental. I remembered the last time you kicked my ass.” Chuckling he brushed his hair back.

 

“You've been lost in thought quite a lot lately.” She tilted her head. “Have something on your mind?”

 

“Nothing much. Just...personal things. It won't hinder my work.” He shrugged, trying not to think of Hanzo.

 

“Well then if it's nothing that important I won't hound you about it.” She patted his shoulder. “But you might want to sort it out before the next mission. You can't afford to space out even during practice. Otherwise we'll end up in a situation that could cost someone.”

 

Hanzo. He glanced at the other man across the gym, seeing the red scar.

 

He apparently wasn't fast enough looking away cause when he met Ana's eye again she was staring at him, then looked to Hanzo before resting her eye back on Jesse. “We're bound to be hurt or even die eventually. It's just something that can always happen. So you should cherish the moments you have with those you love.”

 

There was a loud thump in his chest. He glanced away with a wry grin. “Giving out little nuggets of wisdom today?” Jesse tried to keep the humor in his voice but it honestly felt so hard. There was a weight of guilt in him. Another weight of fear, and another of impatience he knew he had to ignore. Hanzo was someone he cared about. No point in lying to himself. If anything happened to the man Jesse was sure he'd feel it harder than anything in his life. However, the man had given him no sign and it had already been a week, almost two. He had to accept that the archer just didn't feel that way about him. He had to accept that he was just meant to be friends with him.

 

Ana looked up at him with an endearing smile and patted his shoulder. “Come now. Let's go again. This time try and focus and stop worry about every little thing.”

 

Needing the distraction he gave in and stood across from her again.

 

She ended up besting him three out of the four times they fought.

 

 

 

____________________________

 

 

After dinner he was up at their spot, having a smoke and waiting. Hanzo had still been eating with Genji, the brothers stuck in some heated debate that was all a lot of gibberish to him. His Japanese was awful and other than a few greeting words and basic conversation he was lost. So he waited and smoked, and tried to tell his heart that it'd survive. It wasn't like Hanzo refused to be around him and after the man's injury Jesse had been able to start talking normally with him, mostly. Sometimes he'd forget himself and pat the man's shoulder and nudge him playfully and Hanzo would stiffen up for a brief moment. Oh sure, Hanzo tried to cover it up but Jesse saw it and he knew it was because the other was hyper aware of him. He couldn't tell if that was good or bad.

 

Jesse leaned back against the wall near the door and stared out at the red sunset. Finishing the cigarillo he put it out then slid his hat down over his eyes a bit, trying to will his heart to stop aching. It was alright. He told Hanzo he'd wanted to stay friends with him. It wasn't like he was losing him entirely he just wasn't meant to be with him the way he longed for.

 

Somehow in the middle of his heartbreak mantra he had fallen asleep, gently breathing with his hat half over his face and the soft glow of the setting sun that was quickly fading.

 

“....ree?”

 

A voice, a soft voice tickled at the corner of his mind. It was deep yet had a velvety tone to it. Something refined and pleasant.

 

“McCree?”

 

He blinked opened his eyes, the glare of the sun no longer in front of him. Instead the image before him was of a beautiful man leaning in front of him, his dark eyes a little concerned, his black hair up in that pretty gold ribbon with only the strands of his bangs and tufts of silver wings above his ears. The stars behind him twinkled faintly and other than a little glow from the crescent moon the area around them was dark. Jesse smiled just a little and reached up, his fingers sliding over that narrow jaw. “Hey there, Darlin'” Maybe he thought he was dreaming or maybe he was overly hopeful, having Hanzo right here so close to him. He was half asleep after all.

 

Hanzo tensed but there was a clear shift in the shades of his skin as Jesse's fingers touched his face.

 

Had he been a lesser man he would of ignored the little warning in his head, but he didn't. He realized that the skin under his fingers was real and he was actually awake and quickly sat upright, eyes wide. “Oh...I...” His hand shot down next to himself, trying to think of some excuse. “Sorry. Hanzo..I...I think I was dreaming or something.” He chuckled, hoping the other bought it. It wasn't entirely a lie.

 

Hanzo looked away, a million thoughts rolling around in his head but Jesse could only see a few in his eyes he could read. “It must have been a vivid dream.” He muttered and then sighed. “I forgot to tell you I would be late today before you left dinner. My apologies.”

 

“Oh no need for apologies.” He was panicking. He'd almost leaned in to kiss him. If he'd done that he would have broken his promise to the man. “I still wanted to just come out here and sit.”

 

“And fall asleep?” The archer questioned.

 

Jesse laughed again. “Yeah, well, guess I was more tired than I thought.” He moved to stand, his legs a bit stiff and his ass aching from sitting on the hard ground for so long. “Guess it's a bit too late to meditate now.”

 

“Hm.” Hanzo grunted, glancing out at the ocean. “Though, we do not need to meditate here every time.” He looked at Jesse. “Sometimes it is not so bad to sit and talk with a friend.”

 

How could one sentence make him happy and sad at the same time? He managed a smile that was not so much forced as it hurt his heart the wider it got.”Yeah, I can do that.” He went to go sit near the edge of the catwalk facing the ocean, plopping back down and patting next to him. “Why don't you tell me another story about Japan.”

 

Smirking a little, Hanzo sat down, leaving enough space between them so as not to accidentally bump into Jesse if the man spread out a bit. “I cannot think of anything in particular. Perhaps this time you can tell me about the place you grew up in.”

 

“Me? Well I...” He thought a moment. “It wasn't anything too interesting. I grew up in America in the southwest with my ma and pa out on a ranch.”

 

“Somehow I am not surprised.” Hanzo's words were filled with a slight chuckle.

 

Jesse tried to think of how best to describe it and decided to just talk about the dessert in all it's wild and harsh beauty. He talked about how it would be so damn hot during the day then chill you to the bone once the night settled in. He talked about catching lizards and the wild mare he'd befriended. Before he realized they'd been talking for a couple hours, well he had. Hanzo just listened to him, asking little questions here and there but never stopping Jesse from telling a story.

 

Truth be told it was nice to be able to talk about home. He hadn't really gotten a chance to go back since the bounty was on him. Couldn't risk it. However, he never forgot a single detail. And Hanzo just listened to him, sometimes commenting on how lovely it sounded or remarking at the strange customs they had.

 

Jesse's eyes would sneak a look at Hanzo from time to time. He loved him. And because he loved him he was okay with just having this. Even if his feelings weren't reciprocated he could still have this and no one could take that away.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Jesse. I really need to make this up to him.
> 
> Also hope you enjoyed kickass mama Ana. I really imagine her being pretty mobile and spry even now just because of how she moves and jumps in the game. Love her.


	6. Be Safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go. As promised I got another chapter up tonight and this one is a bit longer with some action.
> 
> I am thinking we got about 3 more chapters to go but I'll see where I stand after the next chapter. 
> 
> Also thank you so much for all the comments and kudos. I truly appreciate. I'm so glad people are enjoying this story. I'm going to try and respond a bit more to everyone's comments. I've just been focusing so much on writing I forget to when I post. But truly thank you!

Three weeks later and they were on a plane to Numbani, another payload mission. However, since the cargo was of a particularly valuable nature the normal team of six was instead eight. Lucio offered to come mostly as a guide, but also support. He'd be backed up by Zenyatta. Jesse of course was on the team along with Morrison, Hanzo and Genji. Finally they had Hana and Reinhardt as their main defense and attack. Overall it was a solid team and Morrison was debriefing them in the plane as they went.

 

Apparently since the museum holding the Doomfist gauntlet had been attacked by Widowmaker and Reaper they needed to move it to a secure jet that would take it elsewhere for safe keeping until further legals issues could be addressed. Jesse figured it'd be about six months till they decided that it shouldn't be in the public at all. Another six months to determine where it would be and so on. He just felt that damned thing should be destroyed. However he'd never been the type to understand how the slow legal process of the law worked. He always felt how he did it was a bit cleaner, a little simpler.

 

Sighing, Jesse sat back and placed his feet on the table, glancing at Hanzo next to him with Genji and Zenyatta on his other side. His eyes briefly glanced to the scar. This time he would keep his head in the game the whole time. It didn't happen too often but there was moments he lost sight of what he needed to do. He couldn't this time. He'd keep Hanzo safe no matter he had to do.

 

Hanzo looked over, meeting Jesse's eyes and his brow raised.

 

Caught staring he looked away and adjusted his hat. “Sorry.”

 

“Clear your mind. Do not focus on such trivial things.” It sounded almost condescending but Jesse had learned enough about the man to know what he was getting at. Hanzo wanted him to stop focusing on that damn scar and think about the mission before them.

 

“Can you do me a favor?” He muttered, staring across the plane at the others. “If I get myself into a mess I don't want you to put yourself in danger to come bail my ass out.” He looked at Hanzo but the expression on the man's face froze him.

 

Hanzo actually looked angry, really angry. It was probably the most intense that gaze had ever looked at Jesse. “Then do me a favor in return and never ask such a stupid request of me ever again.” An elbow came out and jammed against Jesse's ribs and Hanzo's voice lowered so the others could not hear. “You are a friend and to do nothing when I could have is as good as putting an arrow in you myself. Your request is denied.”

 

Stunned, Jesse realized that the anger wasn't what he thought. Sure the man was mad, but if he thought about what he'd asked it had been pretty insensitive. “Geez, 'm sorry. I....”

 

“It is forgotten.” Relaxing, Hanzo shifted his back against the sofa again, facing forward.

 

Left floundering for some way to break the tension Jesse finally just leaned over a bit so his shoulder bumped Hanzo's “Just be careful, alright?”

 

“I would ask the same of you.” Hanzo's response was as refined and eloquently worded as always but there was a softness in the tone that reached Jesse's ears.

 

Smiling a bit, the cowboy nodded. “Roger that.” He dared another glance at Hanzo but realized that both Genji and Zenyatta were staring right at them, and a very violent rush of heat went to his face. Dammit. Fortunately neither said a damn thing and Jesse blessed them both for it. He didn't want to make a scene and have people questioning things. He'd already decided he was gonna try and push down these feelings for Hanzo. To force them back into the realm of platonic feelings. He was failing at it.

 

 

 

____________________________

 

 

They landed at around eight PM and were shuttled to a safe house where they'd run over the plan once more. With the maps of the street and three alternative paths to take they assigned jobs. Jesse would run interference around the perimeter with Zenyatta. Genji and Hanzo would take to the roof tops to cover them from above. Reinhardt would lead the payload with Morrison and Lucio and Hana would bring up the rear. Overall it was a sound plan. They wouldn't be too far from each other and other than their contact no one else knew when the payload would be moving. They figured late into the evening would be a perfect time. There was one problem though. “We have Intel that Talon may be trying to make another play for the Doomfist gauntlet. We need to assume that both Widowmaker and Reaper will show up. If you run into either of them you inform the entire group and do not attempt to take them on on your own.” Morrison stared out at the group.

 

They all nodded, glancing down at the paths.

 

“We'll start with the main route. At any time I may change it up. The main path is route A, the southern loop through the back streets is route B and the last option is through the delivery routes around the shops, route C. That one we want to avoid if we have to given the narrow path. Either way keep the comms clear and wait for my signal if we change paths. Flank teams you'll follow us along these set routes if we deviate from the original route.” Morrison moved his finger along the holographic map, various colors lines moving and showing up as he spoke. “Understood?”

 

A chorus of “Yes.” called out and with that the team dispersed, heading out to their positions.

 

Jesse, Hanzo, Genji and Zenyatta all moved together before breaking off.

 

“Peace be upon you both.” Zenyatta raised his hand and made a small circular motion to the cyborg and Hanzo.

 

Genji in turn bowed. “You as well, Master.”

 

Smiling, Jesse tipped his hat. “You both watch each others backs now.”

 

“I think the idea is we are to watch yours, McCree.” There was a whimsical and amused tone to Genji's voice. He probably was smiling under his visor.

 

“Just be sure to focus on the task at hand. We shall watch over you.” Glancing over, Hanzo stared up at McCree. “And be safe.”

 

“You too, Darlin'.” He couldn't help but say it, quickly turning away so he didn't have to see any look of disdain on Hanzo's face at the comment. “Ready to get to this, Zen? I think me an' you got some flanking to do.”

 

“Yes, I am most fired up.” Floating over, the omnic moved to hover beside Jesse, glancing back at the Shimada brothers.

 

Genji was the first to give them a nod then scale the building with ease, mostly shifting between the many balconies, flipping and jumping till he was perched above.

 

Hanzo stared at them a moment longer, meeting Jesse's eyes before he turned and moved up as well. He crawled like a cat, grabbing onto the various nooks and crannies that allowed him to move upward.

 

Jesse couldn't help but stare, only shaken out of it when Zenyatta made a little humming sound next to him. He turned to the omnic. “Ah..right..we should get goin'.”

 

“We should, but I am not adverse to allowing one to bask in beauty for a moment.” Zenyatta, floated alongside Jesse as they moved.

 

The cowboy couldn't tell if the other was making a joke or not. “Just impressive to see them just climb a building like it were nothin' is all.”

 

“I was not insinuating it was anything else.” The omnic cooed calmly.

 

He let it drop, knowing he wasn't fooling anyone. He didn't have a clue if Zenyatta thought of love and such the same as a human. He knew they had emotions and felt things but if it were the same as him he was the last person to ask. The omnic had proved a valuable ally to them and despite some distrust amongst their more bitter members who faced off against omnics at their worst, the other was welcomed among them. Jesse liked him. It was always impressive how no matter how grim a situation, Zenyatta could see the brightness in it. The other was also pretty damn witty and comical if you paid attention. He found himself snickering plenty of times when the omnic said a pun or made himself laugh at his own cleverness. It was endearing.

 

For the most part everything went smooth. There was no sign of anyone and the payload moved though route A without a hitch. They all checked in frequently to clear each area. However, like any time it was too quiet, Jesse felt his fingers twitch as they hovered over Peacekeeper. It was never as simple as this. No matter what, he knew they were just walking right into the eye of the storm and it was gonna drop down on them like a tornado.

 

There was no gunshots that put them all on alert. It was Morrison who called over the comms. “Moving to route C. We got charges in front on the overpass.” The sound of an explosion came through just before the feed cut.

 

Jesse cursed, hearing the blast for himself. “We gotta move.” He glanced at Zenyatta who was already powering an orb. They split off to flank around the edge of the street, hearing gunfire now. As he cleared the alley, Jesse saw Morrison duck behind a car, barely missing a shot from a pair of powerful handguns. The cloaked figure holding them dropped them and reached into his coat for another set. Cocking back the hammer of Peacekeeper, Jesse aimed, hoping to take out Reaper with one shot while his attention was on Morrison. When the shot went off it took a moment to realize that Reaper was no longer there. Instead he was shifting in a black cloud before materializing, guns blazing. Jesse had to dive for cover, rolling forward and behind a building.

 

“Did you honestly think you'd get me that easily, brat?” The low growl of the voice was almost chilling. However the words he used were all too familiar.

 

Jesse tensed, trying to tell himself he was imagining it. “Reyes?”

 

“McCree, take cover!” Morrison's voice shouted and then there was a launch of the helix rockets. They missed the target but forced Reaper to move, turning his attention back to the old soldier.

 

Jesse had to take that moment to slip around, trying to shake the dark feeling in him. There was no way, right? Still, as he moved to regroup with Reinhardt who was trying to move the payload down the back street, he couldn't help glancing back, seeing the familiar movement. He'd worked with Reyes for years, doing some shady shit for Blackwatch, and he had seen him wield those guns numerous times. He stopped. “You guys go on and keep it moving. I'm gonna help our Soldier out and catch up. He winked at Hana and Lucio and shot Reinhardt a half grin before moving back towards the mad gunfight. Jesse clicked on the comm. “Zen, Imma stay back with Morrison. You keep along the flank with the payload.”

 

“Understood.” Came the reply, simple and sweet.

 

Jesse was glad the omnic didn't argue and rushed in, firing off another few shots to get the wraith's attention. If this was Reyes than he was probably the best person to help out old Jack. The shots he let off seemed to force Reaper back and Jesse took cover with Morrison. “Figured you could use a hand.”

 

“You should be with the payload. I can handle this.” The tone was as ungrateful and unforgiving as always.

 

“Gee, thanks, Jesse. I'm so glad you came to help me.” The cowboy mocked the other man.

 

“You always were a mouthy little shit.” The Soldier grumbled.

 

“Yeah. But this mouthy little shit is gonna help you take him down.” He reloaded and flicked his wrist back as he shut the chamber, glancing back. “Don't know if you are aware, probably since you knew him too, but I think I owe it to Reyes to stop him, even if it's putting a bullet between his eyes.”

 

There was a pause. Jesse couldn't tell what face Morrison was making but he was sure he didn't want to know. Of course the man knew. How could he not? Him and Reyes had been close, even when they fought. He had come in when their friendship or whatever it was had already started to deteriorate but it was clear that the two had meant something to each other. Now they were trying to kill each other and unfortunately Reyes was on the wrong side.

 

“Just watch your back. He won't hesitate to shoot you in it.” Normally Jack was a little more harsh, especially now during a gunfight but something in his tone sounded almost sad.

 

The two men rolled out from cover and started firing, forcing Reaper to shift position but once the wraith materialized he fired down on them with heavy fire. The more the two pressed the more they were pushed back against. Reyes had never been a joke and the man could hold his own in a firefight but to take them both on with ease was damn near terrifying. His body didn't even seem to exist, melting into smoke before shifting before them. Every time they thought they had him he slipped past them. At some point their distraction had worn off and instead Reaper moved down the street before firing a few careful shots at one of the charges he'd set, causing an explosion. It forced his opponents to take cover as he dissipated into smoke.

 

Coughing, Jesse cursed. “We gotta catch up to the others.”

 

“You move in from the rear. I'll circle around.” Morrison checked his ammo then rushed off without waiting for an response.

 

McCree clicked his tongue as he watched the soldier run off and moved to follow the route the others took.

 

“We got heavy fire. Talon agents ahead.” Hana's voice rang out over the comm.

 

“We got 'em up above too.” Lucio chimed in.

 

“We are with you. Do not stray from the objective.” It was Genji now and a short cry of a man was heard as the line cut out.

 

Jesse sure was glad they were on their side. He hurried on, keeping an eye up above. He could hear noises and the sound of arrows ricocheting before a scream followed. He knew Hanzo was watching out for them, and Genji too. It was also fortunate he came up behind the payload since he ran into a group of Talon agents. He threw a flashbang and moved in, firing off rapidly and taking them down. “You boys take a load off.” He grinned, reloading quickly. There was a faint sound of static and voices, causing him to look down. One of the earpieces was making noise so he knelt down and held it to his ear.

 

“...moved on to the northern route. Charges set. Detonation in five minutes....”

 

Shit. He was about to get on his own comm when another set of orders came through, the dark voice familiar to him now. “Blow the roof charges. Bury them.”

 

He dropped the comm and ran, trying to talk as he rushed through the side streets. “We got more charges ahead. Hanzo, Genji, get off the roofs. They got them up there. They're gonna try to blow us all to hell. GET OFF THE ROOFS!” He couldn't help the swell of panic in his chest. He glanced up and saw a flash of green, followed by a shadow. Not long after there was the almost earsplitting boom of an explosion and he saw the flash above the route. The buildings shattered at the roof and then began to crumble. An eerie quiet fell over everything for a moment as he tried to run, turning the corner to see the payload. Huddled under Reinhardt's light shield was Hana and Lucio. “You guys alright?” he could see a good portion of the rubble had bounced off the shield but it was cracking and he hurried over. With a mighty shove the large knight managed to redirect the debris next to the payload.

 

“Not a moment too soon, my friend.” Reinhardt bellowed. “Had you not warned us we would not have been prepared.”

 

“Yeah, you totally saved our asses.” Hana, moved her mech and tried to push the debris out of the way.

 

He laughed but glanced around, expecting to see the Shimada brothers. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw Genji jump down next to them. “A timely warning, my friend.”

 

“Yeah, well, I am a pretty handy guy when it counts.” He smiled and looked around again.

 

“Hanzo is fine. He moved around our other flank when we left the roof.” As if already knowing, Genji gave Jesse the answer he wanted.

 

The cowboy adjusted his hat. “I figured. You two are damn resourceful.” He felt that didn't quite cover it up cause Genji was still looking at him, at least until a noise alerted him. Hearing it too Jesse, checked his bullet. “We need to keep moving.” He connect to the comms. “Payload moving forward, almost at the point. Zen, you still there?”

 

“I have suppressed a small ambush ahead. The way is clear.” The omnic responded.

 

“You're a livesaver, Zen. We're moving ahead.”

 

They only needed to shift the rubble a bit to allow the hover craft to traverse it, moving over it. Every now and then Jesse would hear the clank of shrapnel and figured it was Hanzo but he still hadn't seen the man and that made him nervous. The group continued on, almost to the final checkpoint.

 

“This is Morrison. Change of plans. We're taking the payload with us and will exchange it at a later date. Reaper has the point compromised. I repeat. Reaper has the point compromised. We need immediate extraction.”

 

“Tracer here. No worries Luvs, I'm already moving in. Sending new coordinates for pickup. I'll come down right on ya.” The voice of Lena was a welcome to all. She was a brilliant pilot and could certainly get them along this narrow, demolished back alley.

 

Jesse checked his small data pad, seeing the new pickup point. “Alright, let's move out. We gotta head east and into a small square for pickup.” Gathering the crew they moved the payload, keeping an eye above. Zenyatta joined them shortly after. Still no Hanzo. Jesse couldn't help feeling more unsettled as they neared the pick up, already seeing Lena hovering above them and setting it down.

 

“Sniper above. Take cover!” Hanzo's voice suddenly went on the comm and the group scattered, a gunshot ringing out and hitting the pavement right where Lucio had been.

 

Looking up, Jesse could see the woman, taking aim once more but she never got that shot off. Instead an arrow soared through the air, striking the barrel and forcing the gun to jerk upward as the shot went off. Unfortunately that's all it did. He turned to glance back at where the arrow came from, seeing Hanzo notch another one. The cowboy also saw the little blip of red along the building not too far from the archer and it didn't take a genius to guess where Widowmaker was gonna aim next. His feet moved before he actively thought it, instinct and fear and that need to protect willing him forward. He might have called the man's name, he wasn't really sure. All he knew was by the time he reached the other he heard a shot and then was quick to wrap his body around the shorter man as the blast went off, sending them flying back. There was a loud crack as they skid over the pavement and if not for his serape the asphalt under them would of done a hell of a lot more damage. Rolling his head smacked into something hard and he groaned.

 

“..esse?” A voice called out.

 

He blinked, feeling like the world was spinning. His shoulder was on fire and when he tried to push himself off his good arm he felt that fire sear right down his whole arm.

 

“Don't move, I have you.” Hanzo was calling to him, helping him up, looping Jesse's arm with the prosthetic over his own shoulders to help him walk, or more like drag him to the plane.

 

He heard more gunfire and vaguely made out Morrison who was firing upward and yelling at them to hurry. His head hurt. Why did he feel like everything was dimming?

 

“Get him inside!” The grizzled voice the former leader of Overwatch was about the clearest thing he heard as he was hauled into the plane. There was a sea of other voices but he couldn't make it out, his entire body starting to sag on Hanzo now and he heard the man against him groan before moving him faster.

 

“Bring him here. Let me take a look.” Lucio's voice sounded so far away.

 

Jesse managed to open his eyes a little as he was moved to lay down, seeing people moving over him, but his gaze was on Hanzo. He could see the concern in the other man's eyes and not wanting to worry him he tried to speak. Jesse reached up, the back of his prosthetic hand brushing over Hanzo's cheek as he moved his mouth. He wasn't even sure what he said, but Hanzo's expression changed for a brief moment and then the world went black.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I'll make it better. I promise.


	7. Unrequited?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a few days. A lot happens in this chapter and I wanted to capture it just right, real life work was killing my brain so I needed to space out the writing sessions. We're nearing the end. and I want to thank everyone again for kudos and comments. I truly appreciate them.
> 
> Also as you can see we have 2 chapters left to finish up this slow mess of a fic.
> 
> If you are interested in finding me on my Tumblr I am currently taking some requests for what my next fic should have in it.   
> the-ryuchan.tumblr.com

 

When the world came back to him it was a muffled mess of sounds. He could hear talking, he thought, but he couldn't quite make out the words. His head also hurt something fierce and he groaned as his eyes tried to open. At first there was blinding light then he became aware that his body ached all over.

 

“....old on.” There was a voice close to him. “Jesse, can you hear me?” It was a woman's voice.

 

“Ngh...feel...like I got hit by a train.” He croaked, his throat dry.

 

“I know. Just take it slowly. Can you look up?” Angela was leaning over him, her eyes concerned as she stared at him.

 

“Where'm I?” He mumbled, trying to looked around. Damn his head really hurt and was a glass of water too much to ask for?

 

“You're in the Medical Room at the watch point in Gibraltar. Can you tell me the last thing you remember?” She moved to widen his eyelid, flashing a light in both his eyes before looking up as if checking a wound.

 

“Mmm...gunfire...sniper...” He took a deep breath as the sleepiness started to clear from his head. “An explosion...oh shit, Hanzo!” He tried to sit up and felt a sharp pain in his shoulder.

 

“He's fine. Barely a scratch. You are the one with the injuries.” Angela's tone was stern. “You suffered a minor concussion, a dislocated shoulder, and abrasions to your arm and side.” She rattled off the list before looking at him. “Honestly I am surprised that was all you managed to get given your proximity to the blast.” Sighing she checked his head again then moved to grab a glass of water and pills. “Here, take these. They will help your head and speed up the healing process for your shoulder.”

 

He reached up with his prosthetic and was surprised it was in working order.

 

“You actually managed to not harm that.” Angela muttered, still looking at him worried. “Until your shoulder is healed I do not want you overexerting yourself. You've been out for two days.”

 

“Two?” What the hell? How hard had he hit his head? He shifted up carefully and swallowed the pills before he realized he wasn't the only one in the room. In the corner, sitting quietly was Hanzo, those dark eyes on him like they wanted to bore into his soul. “Hanzo?” He felt his already aching throat squeeze tightly. He was alive. He was okay. Jesse had never felt so relieved. He remembered that feeling so clearly now. When he thought he was going to lose him he moved without thinking, shielding Hanzo with his body.

 

The archer stared at him before his brows tensed together and he looked away.

 

Jesse felt his heart sink, completely ignoring what Angela said to him. “Huh?” he looked at her confused.

 

“I said, I am going to run a few tests on you then you are free to go but I want you to take it easy for another day or two.” The team angel moved to check the monitors she had Jesse hooked up to.

 

“I will leave you to it.” Hanzo stood, moving to the door.

 

“Hold on a moment.” Jesse called to him, feeling like he needed to talk to him.

 

“Later.” Was all Hanzo said, staring the cowboy in the eye with a fierceness Jesse had not seen in a while. It sufficiently killed whatever words he wanted to say. After that Hanzo left.

 

 

About an hour later and he was officially discharged with a very strict reminder he was not to go doing anything crazy. He'd given a firm “Yes Ma'am” and was allowed to change into his clothes, or clothes he had been left. He assumed someone went to get him some clean stuff since what he had worn was probably torn to hell. “Hey, where's my hat?” He looked at the pile then around the room, but it was nowhere to be seen. He walked out to Angela's office. “Hey, Angela, you seen my hat?”

 

“Hm? Oh...you didn't have it on when they brought you in. Perhaps one of the others has it.” She glanced around her office to be sure though.

 

“Yeah...probably.” He hoped so. He loved that hat. Giving her a little nod, Jesse left the Med Room. He wanted to find Hanzo, to talk to him. He wasn't sure what the hell happened earlier. The other seemed mad, or worried or...damn, he just didn't know. He didn't know anything right now. He'd been out for two days after about getting himself killed. Jesse didn't regret it though. If he hadn't done that Hanzo might not even be here and it was worth a banged up arm and head if it meant he got to see the man again.

 

Wandering back to his room he spotted Genji who hurried over. “You are awake. I am glad. I was not sure the extent of your injuries when we got you on the plane.” The cyborg placed his hand on Jesse's good shoulder. “How are you feeling?”

 

“Like I've been caught in the middle of a stampede of wild buffalo but I'll live.” He shrugged, half wishing he hadn't since it made his arm hurt.

 

“I can imagine. You took quite a beating.” There was a long pause before Genji tilted his head. “I wanted to thank you when you woke up.”

 

“Hm? Why?”

 

“Hanzo. You protected him. I failed to see the trap and then the explosion....” There was a somber tone to the robotic voice. “For a moment I think, I thought I would lose him. We have not properly reconciled yet and to never have that chance...”

 

“Hey, he's fine. I'm fine. We're all fine. You got time.” He patted Genji's arm in an attempt to cheer him up. “Don't go makin' things a big deal. It's fine.”

 

“Because of you it is.” The ninja's head looked up. “You have committed a great deed for me I can never repay.”

 

“Now hold on, I ain't lookin' to have you indebted to me. I had my own reasons for it too.” He was so focused on trying to not make Genji feel indebted he forgot he still was trying to hide his feelings for Hanzo from his brother.

 

“I know.” Genji's words stunned him. “You and my brother, you have feelings for each other. I cannot believe I failed to notice.”

 

Shit shit shit. “Hold on, it ain't like that!”

 

“You don't need to hide it. You forget I was in the plane as well.” The ninja laughed.

 

Jesse didn't quite understand what that had to do with anything. He'd been all hazy and beat up back in the plane. He honestly didn't remember what had happened after Hanzo tried to move him.

 

The confused look on his face must have been obvious because Genji responded with, “You don't remember?”

 

Remember what? Had he done something? Oh god had he said something while he'd been disoriented?

 

There was a huff from the cyborg. “Now I don't know if I should tell you.”

 

“No no, tell me. What did I do?” He grabbed the other man's arm. “Did I say something? Do something? Did everyone else notice?”

 

“Everyone who was there and since Hana saw I imagine she told everyone.” Another laugh. “It was not something scandalous, but you did mumbled something along the lines of...what was it, 'Dying for the one you love isn't so bad.'” He looked at Jesse. “It was quite romantic.”

 

Oh dammit. Running a hand over his face he groaned. No wonder Hanzo had seemed so weird earlier. He'd confessed to him, again! He thought he'd done a good job of keeping those feelings on lock down but he'd just bungled it up the moment his guard was down. And with such a cheesy line! His distress seemed to worry Genj because the other patted his arm again. “It's fine..I...shit. Thing is me and your brother aren't like that. Well, he ain't. I am, obviously. I tried telling him and told him to give me a sign if he wanted more but it's been over a month now and nothin' so...”

 

“Ah.” Understanding packed in such a simple word.

 

“Yeah. So me doing that probably just made him all weird around me again. Dammit.” He knelt over, his head spinning a little.

 

“Are you alright?” Genji knelt down with him. “I am sure it is not as disastrous as you assume. Hanzo was at your bedside the whole time you were asleep?”

 

Huh? Looking up he stared at the other man's visored face. “The whole time?”

 

“Yes. He didn't go back to his room at all. Angela said that he was at your side even as you slept.”

 

“I'll be damned.” Jesse muttered under his breath and stood back up. No, he couldn't get ahead of himself. That didn't mean nothing'. It could be the other felt guilty about him getting hurt like he had when Hanzo got hurt. “I'm sure it's not what you think. Your brother just don't feel that way about me.”

 

“I think you should try and speak with him again.” Genji's knowing tone made Jesse want to ask but he didn't want to get his hopes up. He couldn't take it if he got shot down again.

 

“No, I already said I wasn't gonna make a move till he gave me a clear sign. And I need it while I'm conscious. I made a promise to him and I'm a man of my word.” He didn't deserve Hanzo's feelings if he had to force them.

 

“You are a more honorable man than most, Jesse McCree.” Another pat on the arm but it lingered there, squeezing Jesse's bicep. “I hope my brother responds to you soon then.”

 

Fat chance of that happening. He didn't have the heart to shoot Genji's hope down though. Jesse already knew Hanzo probably done made up his mind about him. What needed to happen now was damage control. He had to find the other once he got some rest and try and apologize for his slip up. With a heavy sigh he rubbed the back of his neck. “Think I'm gonna go and lay down for about ten years.”

 

Genji laughed. “You should. You look like hell.”

 

“Yeah yeah. I sort of lived through an explosion so I'm not doing too bad.” He winked and reached up, realizing he didn't have his hat. Oh yeah. “Hey, Genji, you seen my hat?”

 

The ninja paused as if thinking. “Hm...no. I haven't seen it. I'm sure it'll turn up eventually.” He gave a small wave. “Go rest.”

 

Jesse sighed again, wondering why Genji had to be sch a sassy little shit sometimes. He was only a few years younger than Jesse but he'd never shied away from sassing him when he could. Giving up on his hat for now he went to his room, collapsing, carefully, into bed.

 

 

 

____________________________

 

 

He must of slept for quite a few hours, waking up long after the sun had set. Groaning he tried to roll onto his back, flinching as he jostled his shoulder. It was better but still felt bruised. His whole left side was actually a pretty interesting canvas of reds, blues and purples. As Angela said, it was a miracle he hadn't busted a few ribs. Sitting up he reached up to brush back his hair, shucking off his shirt as he wandered to his bathroom to see if any of his other wounds had closed up. Thanks to medicine nowadays he could heal wounds it used to take days to close up. Still left scars though and he had quite a few on his torso and shoulder now. A small price. He remembered what Hanzo had said when he'd been feeling guilty about the scar on his eyebrow. Guess they were even now. He smiled for a moment but quickly turned away from his reflection, wondering if he could somehow rustle up some food. He was famished. Moving to grab a fresh shirt he was interrupted by a knock at the door.

 

“McCree, are you awake?” It was Hanzo.

 

Jesse's brows furrowed slightly and he debated pretending to be asleep. He wasn't sure if he could talk to Hanzo yet. Knowing what he'd said, it probably was going to make things weird. That wasn't how he ever planned on confessing either. Another knock came and he gave in, weak to the archer. He opened the door, leaning on the frame. “Hey, Hanzo. You just caught me waking up. What can I do for ya?”

 

Hanzo stood in front of him, in his arms was Jesse's folded up red serape he'd been wearing during the explosion and his hat. “I came to return these. They were dirty after the mission so I cleaned them.” He held out the items as if in offering.

 

So that's where his hat had been. Unable to help but smile, Jesse took them, his fingers brushing over Hanzo's in the exchange. He thought he felt Hanzo's fingers twitch, but he could of imagined it. “Thanks. Was wondering where my hat got off to. Was worried I'd lost it.”

 

“No,” Hanzo shook his head, his gaze drifting down to McCree's naked torso, clearly seeing the bruises. That caused the man's expression to tense as he looked away. “I had them when Doctor Ziegler took you for treatment. The...serape was torn so I did my best to patch it. It is not a very skilled job.”

 

“I'm sure it's fine. I do appreciate it.” He set the clothes and hat on the dresser next to the door. “You wanna come in for a bit?”

 

“No, I...was merely returning that and to,” Hanzo's dark eyes slid back up to Jesse's, “I wondered how you were feeling. You were in the middle of a check up earlier so I didn't want to intrude.”

 

Jesse wasn't a fool. He could see how awkward the other was. He'd gone and made another mess of their already strange relationship. Dammit. Why was it like this? Couldn't he just shove these feelings down and ignore them? It would make this easier. “You can't ever intrude, Hanzo. Actually I hear you didn't leave my side while I was out. Guess I had me a guardian angel looking out for me.” He chuckled.

 

“How can you just laugh at this?” The sudden outburst was unheard of from Hanzo normally. He'd only seen the man get like this on very rare occasions and he was never at the end of it.

 

Swallowing a lump in his throat, the cowboy scratched his head, shifting his fingers back through the brown locks. “Kinda have to. I mean, I lived so it's all well.”

 

“It is not! You fool, you could have died. Why did you run out in front of the blast?” Hanzo took a large step forward, so far into Jesse's personal space the cowboy might have kissed the angry archer had the situation not been the worst possible moment for it.

 

It was a tense moment, an important one, but damn if Jesse couldn't think of anything but how pretty Hanzo looked when he was angry. He didn't like being on the end of it but this was the closet the man had been to him in weeks. “Sorry, but I couldn't just let you go and get yourself killed. I saw the threat and reacted.”

 

“You did not need to! If you had died then what? There will come a time when your luck will run out.” Taking in a shuddered breath, he spoke again, “Never do that again.” There was something broken in Hanzo's voice, as if he was straining against emotions he couldn't let out.

 

“Can't do that, Darlin'. Ya see, if something happens to you, and I did nothing, I couldn't forgive myself.” No point in hiding the truth. He did it cause he loved Hanzo, and if he let him die then what sorta man was he?

 

“It is not needed.” The response was almost a gasp, a rush of breath that barely projected the man's voice.

 

Jesse frowned and leaned down so he and Hanzo were face to face, their noses almost touching. “You don't get to decide that.” He practically growled. “Who I risk my life for is my choice alone. If I decided to throw myself in front of a bullet for ya, then I'd do it and ain't nothing you can do about it.” He didn't mean to sound so stern, his voice much more authoritative then he'd ever been towards the man.

 

Now it was Hanzo's turn to be speechless. He stared back at Jesse, his brows tense and eyes narrow in a glare, but it slowly shifted to defeat and he stepped back. “You are right, I do not have a say, but your sacrifice for me would not bring me happiness. It would only add to my regrets.”

 

His chest hurt. Why couldn't he hold him? He wanted to take him in his arms and kiss him and promise him anything he wanted, but he couldn't. He didn't. “It ain't my intention to cause you any heartache, Hanzo, but I can't,” The words were struggling to get out and he reached up with his hand, pressing his mouth to it as he tried to think. He looked at Hanzo, stared at his pretty eyes and his dark hair, at the face that made his heart dance with excitement and knew he couldn't lie. “I know I promised you I would stay friends even if you didn't feel the same about me, and I meant it. That don't mean I'm gonna just stop feeling it though. When I look at you it just becomes a hell of a lot more clear, how bad I got it for you.”

 

Hanzo's body stiffened but the other didn't look away from him. He watched him, silent but intent on hearing his words. There was a more vibrant rosy pink shade to those sharp cheeks, more than any other time.

 

“I won't break my promise. You have pretty much made it crystal clear you don't feel the same. That's fine, but I can't just shake this off. If you get hurt, if you get into trouble, my first instinct is to jump in there to save you. And I'm gonna keep doing it over and over again cause even if I can't touch you or kiss you, I can still look out for you in the only other way I can. You'll have to allow me that, at least till I can forget how I feel.” Just saying that broke his heart. How could he just forget this feeling? How could he just shake it off like he never loved him? It wasn't like a wound that would heal up and be long forgotten. Even if the feelings subsided he'd never forget them. As long as he saw Hanzo he'd remember them.

 

Hanzo crossed his arms, his eyes no longer meeting Jesse's. There were no words for what felt like an eternity and Jesse started to worry he'd gone too far. “I understand.” The words finally left the archer's lips. “Forgive my outburst.” He leaned over and bowed. “And allow me to thank you for saving my life. I...can never repay you for it.”

 

“Oh geez, Hanzo, don't....don't do that.” He leaned over. This was just like with Genji earlier. What was it with these brothers? “Lift your head. Don't go bowing to me like you owe me. I didn't do it for that. I did it because...” but the words wouldn't come out. He'd as much as said them but if he voiced them out loud to the other while coherent he was afraid he'd never get over him.

 

Slowly Hanzo raised his head, looking up at him expectantly, as if he wanted to hear the end of the sentence, but it never came and there was a very brief moment where the man seemed disappointed.

 

Sensing the tension, Jesse stood up straight and rubbed the back of his neck. “I didn't mean to make things awkward-”

 

“No, it was my fault for yelling. And you haven't properly healed yet.” Hanzo glanced at Jesse's side again, seeing the bruises and wounds. “You should rest more.”

 

“Probably.” He needed a shower too, and food. He'd almost forgotten about that.

 

“Then I will leave you to it. I am sorry to have kept you.” Hanzo took a pointed step back and turned to leave, but paused again. “I...will see you tomorrow?” He looked over his shoulder at McCree. “At the usual place?”

 

Jesse's brows shot up in surprise and he smiled widely, honestly. “Wouldn't miss it. See ya then.”

 

Hanzo nodded in agreement then finally left.

 

 

Shutting his door, Jesse glanced at his hat and serape on the dresser. The hat was the cleanest it had been in a long time. He looked at the serape next, seeing the side that had torn during their tumble. It had been mended carefully. He wasn't sure what Hanzo was talking about. It was a hell of a lot better than what he would of done. Smiling he realized he could smell the faint sent of jasmine from it and brought it close to his face, closing his eyes as he imagined Hanzo hunched over the fabric, trying to mend it. Dammit. He pressed his face into it. He loved him. God dammit he loved him so badly. He could feel the slight sting of frustrated tears but he choked them back bitterly, moving to go lay on the bed. He didn't let go of the serape, wanting to just pretend for a moment Hanzo had stayed here instead of leaving like he always did.

 

In his thirty eight years of life he'd never had his heart stolen so completely and even if the blast hadn't done him in, he wondered if his heart was going to just give up with how much it was hurting him. He curled up with the serape, still smelling Hanzo. Hanzo Shimada, with his dark hair, his pretty eyes, his rare and lovely smiles, his hearty laugh that sounded so refined yet so innocent. Hanzo Shimada who was stern and quiet, methodical and brilliant, who looked so sad when he thought no one was looking, but had started to smile more.

 

There wasn't a damn thing about the other he didn't love. Even that scar that the man now bore out in the open for all to see. A sign that Hanzo had put himself in danger for him. Now he had some too, new scars on his skin as a reminder of saving the person he loved who didn't love him back.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY! OTL


	8. Man of His Word

Morning came too quickly. He stared up at the ceiling, half cursing the sun and rolled onto his side. Jesse didn't want to get up, or face anything right now. He wasn't sure he had the strength. Then again if he didn't get up he might cause a bigger fuss. With a heavy sigh he shifted to get out of bed, going to check on the bruises and wounds in his side. He'd been healing pretty fast and his shoulder felt a hell of a lot better. Still twinged a bit when he rolled it certain ways but he might even be able to use it today. Showering, he got dressed and headed for breakfast. In his moment of brooding he'd forgotten to go get food last night and instead just laid in bed with his mended serape that smelled like Hanzo.

 

Speaking of the man, Jesse looked for him when he entered the mess hall, seeing Hanzo sitting next to Genji. Should he interrupt and sit there or not? It was hard to think of how to act normal. He'd been trying to until he got hurt but it was becoming apparent he couldn't keep ignoring these feelings for Hanzo. What started as a crush had developed into something much deeper and though he told the man he'd wait for his reply or lack there of he might have to just flat out ask him if there was any chance. Maybe a clear rejection could help him shake these feelings.

 

Getting food, Jesse walked over to the brothers, sitting down across from them. “What are you two muttering about over here?” He smiled, taking a sip of coffee.

 

“Oh this and that.” Genji's voice held a hint of amusement in it.

 

Hanzo was silent and did not meet Jesse's eyes as he took another bite if rice.

 

That was not a good sign. Taking a bite of his own food he tried to think of what to talk about. Nothing seemed to come to mind. Thankfully Genji seemed more than happy to provide.

 

“How are you feeling? You mentioned you were rather tired yesterday.” There was a distinct shift of the cyborg's body and then Hanzo jerked, looking up.

 

Jesse's brows raised but then he tilted his head and gave a half shrug with his good shoulder. “Feel a little less like death.” Physically anyways. “I imagine I'll be right as rain in another day or two. Can't keep me down for long.”

 

“You _are_ rather sturdy.” Genji laughed.

 

Laughing in turn, Jesse's eyes fell to Hanzo, seeing how the other was really trying to act as withdrawn from the conversation as possible. “You doing alright, Hanzo? Maybe you need a bit of coffee in ya too.” He raised his mug, trying to get the other to react.

 

Hanzo's boy tensed and his brows seemed to furrow a little. “I am just preoccupied with many things.” He suddenly grabbed his plate of food. “Excuse me. I just remembered something.” He fled. It was the only way to really describe it. There was no subtlety in how the man left, clearly making excuses.

 

It made Jesse sigh and his shoulders droop as he tried to eat.

 

Genji clicked his tongue and muttered something in Japanese. “I must go as well. I promised Master we would meet for meditation.” The cyborg got up, nodding his head to McCree before following his retreating brother.

 

Left alone, Jesse shoveled food into his mouth. Course it was awkward. Why wouldn't it be? He'd all but told Hanzo he'd die for him yesterday. So of course the man was running away from him. Fortunately he was too worn out emotionally to become a brooding mess like he had let himself get last night. Finishing his food he took his dishes to the kitchen and cleaned them before stopping by Angela's office for a check up.

 

 

 

____________________________

 

 

 

The daily practice was the same as usual. Drills, solo practice or group practice. He was told to take it easy still but he didn't want to get rusty either. It helped take his mind off things. Especially since Hanzo had obviously avoided him when he asked if he wanted to do a little target practice together. They'd always done that and now Hanzo was clearly making up excuses to get away from him. Since when had Hanzo and Morrison been pals or even did practice together?

 

Jesse tried to ignore it, he did, but he would keep glancing over, seeing Jack telling Hanzo something and the man's expressions going through several shifts before he answered back. Was he asking Jack to not be partnered with him anymore? Was Hanzo hoping they wouldn't work together from here on out? It was ridiculous, but the worry was there and he ended up missing far too many shots. He told himself it was cause his arm wasn't properly healed but he knew that to be a lie.

 

The avoidance didn't stop there either. Later at lunch Hanzo was nowhere to be found. Jesse even went searching for him, determined to talk about this and try and smooth things over. No luck. Finally at dinner he saw the man again but it was so brief he swore Hanzo just showed up to torture him with a look before disappearing.

 

Needless to say Jesse was a mess as he started for their usual spot. Hanzo said last night they'd meet here but given the man's attitude all day he didn't expect to find him there. Maybe this was his answer. His clear rejection. Standing on the other side of the door he wondered if he should even bother. Jesse McCree's first brush with love in many long years was gonna end in heartache. He had to accept it. If he kept pining after the man he was gonna chase him off. Bracing himself, he opened the door.

 

Siting there, facing the setting sun, like he had for the last couple months was Hanzo, waiting in there spot like always. Jesse could only stare. It was actually a surprise. Maybe a small part of him hoped the man would be there, but most of him expected that spot vacant. Yet, here he was. All regally posed with his dark hair and golden ribbon fluttering in the wind.

 

Hanzo turned, his body tense much like tat first time they'd met here, but he nodded his head to him in greeting like he always did. He held Jesse's gaze for a few moments then turned back to face the ocean, already sitting as if he'd been meditating before Jesse arrived.

 

McCree walked over, glancing down at the other as he went to sit at his left side, like usual. It was oddly typical for them, but there was also something about the moment that felt very different. He couldn't make out what it was. It just felt like he wasn't prepared for what was to come. Was it dread? Hope? Hard to say.

 

“Let us begin.” Hanzo's voice was firm and clear next to him.

 

Jesse closed his eyes, trying to clear his head. Somehow this meditation thing might be really needed today. Maybe if he emptied his head he could just figure this out and decide what to do. Hanzo was important to him, but he wasn't gonna get over this fast and if he was just honest and tried to see where they stood he could do something about it one way or the other.

 

He didn't notice the sound of shifting next to him at first, but then there was warmth near him blocking the wind. He wanted to ask Hanzo if something was wrong but then there faintest of touches to his lips, warm and soft. Jesse opened his eyes. Hanzo was pulling away slowly, staring back at him. There was a calmness in him Jesse hadn't seen all day. Opening his mouth he tried to speak and failed at first then his voice came back to him, “Hanzo, correct me if I'm just hallucinating but did you just—” Again the dark haired man leaned back in, their lips meeting once more and Jesse's chest went tight as he sucked in a breath, leaning forward to chase the kiss that ended so quickly. Too quickly. “Yeah, that.” It came out in a breathy rasp as he struggled to speak, his throat tight.

 

Hanzo's face was pink. Even in the fading sunlight it was obvious and he glanced away shyly.

 

Well damn. “Thought you said that we got to ignore outside distractions when meditating properly.” He smirked, confused and happy.

 

“And I thought you said that if I gave you a clear sign there would be nothing that would stop you from taking me in your arms and kissing me again.” Hanzo looked up, a stern glare on his face that lacked it's usual sharpness, especially with those pink cheeks.

 

Jesse chuckled. “So I did. Guess I can't have you making a liar out of me.” He reached out, tugging the archer into his arms, holding him tightly. The last time he had him close like this they'd almost died and he'd gotten hurt. The time before was that kiss in the rain that he'd messed up. Now he was holding Hanzo in his arms and the man was looking at him with an expression unlike anything he'd ever seen. It looked hopeful and nervous, maybe a bit excited. Whatever it was he liked it. Leaning down, Jesse found Hanzo's lips, tilting his head to get the perfect angle. It was like that first kiss they shared but this time he wasn't the only one pushing for more. Hanzo responded in kind, those strong arms reaching up around Jesse's back to pull him tighter into the kiss. It sent a shudder through his body. Flicking his tongue out, he moved it along the seam of Hanzo's lips. Surprisingly Hanzo relented quickly, opening his mouth invitingly, his tongue meeting Jesse's before surrendering to it. The chaste kiss became something more desperate and primal, forcing noises from them both that was somewhere between moans and gasps. Jesse had to break the kiss, panting heavily as he stared at Hanzo, who's dark eyes seemed hazy and vulnerable. “Please tell me I ain't dreaming.”

 

“You're not.” Came the gruff reply and then Hanzo was pressing his face to Jesse's shoulder, leaning into him. “I have been meaning to do this for some time now.”

 

What? Jesse looked down at the head of dark hair pressed against his chest. “You...you have?”

 

“Yes.” Hanzo's hands grabbed onto Jesse's shirt but he did not pull his face away from his chest. “But no matter how much I thought of it I could not find the proper words. Everything I wished to say you would speak it first and instead of responding in kind I said nothing like a coward.”

 

This was all coming out of nowhere. Up till now he'd thought for sure Hanzo didn't feel the same. Sure there was that kiss but the man had seemed so shaken up by it that Jesse had been positive he regretted it. “So then, it ain't just me?”

 

“Do you really have to question it now?” Finally Hanzo looked up at him. “I would have thought the kiss would make it clear.”

 

“Well it does but...I guess I just kinda want to hear it straight from you is all.” He smiled sheepishly, moving his hand to brush back the strands of the man's bangs. “I been pining after you something fierce for so long that it's just making me worried I'm gonna read it wrong.”

 

“How could you read me kissing you wrong?” The other man's brow raised in confusion, staring at Jesse as if he was talking nonsense.

 

“Trust me, given the current state of things I can make up a lot of dumb excuses why you kissed me. Maybe...I don't know, maybe you feel guilty about what happened or all that nonsense about owing me for saving ya.”

 

“Jesse.” The stern call of his name made the cowboy snap to attention as he stared at the almost angry expression on Hanzo Shimada's face. That didn't last though, because soon that expression softened and Hanzo reached up, cupping Jesse's face. “This it not out of obligation or to repay a debt. The fact you think such things means my hesitance has cause you more worries than I realized.” Hanzo's fingers slid back into the cowboy's hair. “For this I am sorry.”

 

“You don't gotta—”

 

“Let me finish. You have spoken enough for the both of us about your feelings. I must now make mine clear.” The man's tone shut Jesse up quick. Hanzo took a breath as if trying to steady himself. “Jesse McCree, you have...been a good friend to me. I did not believe that I would find peace here, and yet I began to find peace in your presence and in the constant routine of meeting with you every day. But even more surprising are the feelings I did not know I was capable of experiencing again. I have missed many chances to respond to your feelings, but no longer. I wish to express my feelings for you.”

 

Jesse waited, holding his breath. There was something in Hanzo's tone that was new and heartwarming.

 

“To say that I like you is not enough but I am too out of practice in love to know if what I feel for you is it. Perhaps it is. I could not tell you but I know that I fear your loss, and I know that I do not want to lose a chance to experience your kisses or the things you say to me that are embarrassing and bold.” Now the man was really red, his voice cracking a little as if he were struggling to get out words that embarrassed him. Perhaps he felt so exposed saying them.

 

What Jesse himself knew was he couldn't handle the man saying anything else because he might die of happiness. He leaned in to kiss him again, silencing his mouth and basking in the sensation of kissing him deeply. The best part was Hanzo's breathy sigh before responding, wrapping his arms around Jesse's neck and tangling his fingers in his hair. Jesse broke the kiss a moment to catch his breath but didn't pull back far. He could feel the sensation of Hanzo's lips brushing against his and feel the warmth of his breath. “I know what I feel for you, Hanzo Shimada. I know it as sure as I know anything.” Their lips touched in a quick kiss. “I know I love you. And if you ain't entirely sure yet then that just means I gotta work hard to make you fall as head over heels in love with me as you've made me for you.” That earned him another kiss, this time initiated by the smaller man. The maddening heat building between them made him dizzy and his hands wandered over Hanzo's broad shoulders that he felt shifting as their bodies sought out closeness. Over the archer's back his hands moved, down to the small of Hanzo's back and to the slight curve of his backside that he gripped firmly.

 

Breaking the kiss, Hanzo gave a weak, “Wait.”

 

Jesse immediately raised is hands back up the man's back. “Sorry. Too much?”

 

“It's not that but this...we shouldn't indulge ourselves entirely outside.” Hanzo's eyes met his then looked away shyly once more.

 

He was stuck between knowing the man was right but also thinking he was the cutest thing he'd ever seen. He hadn't expected Hanzo to have even more expressions to captivate him. “Probably right. I just...you make me forget myself. Guess I should learn a bit if restraint.” He laughed.

 

“It is not just you that needs to restrain themselves.” Those words made Jesse pause. Dark brown eyes met Jesse's once more and then Hanzo's hands slid down over the cowboy's chest. “Do not think you are the only one who desires more.”

 

Holy shit. Now it was Jesse's turn to be shy. His face felt hot and he looked away as he struggled to find words. He could feel Hanzo staring at him and finally manged to say something, “Well damn, Darlin', you got me a bit tongue tied here. Didn't expect you to be this bold.”

 

Hanzo laughed faintly then reached to force Jesse to look at him. “You are hardly one to talk. I feel I owe you a few instances of shock given how boldly you've confessed to me thrice now.”

 

The wave of memories of him telling Hanzo how he felt came back, including his confession only a moment ago. “Never been one to keep my mouth shut, Darlin'. You know that.”

 

“I do.” Smiling, Hanzo leaned in close and brushed his nose against Jesse's. “I think that is my favorite part about you. You don't shut up.”

 

He laughed and pulled Hanzo in for another kiss, trying to keep himself under control. The feelings of heartache and sadness from the night before was a far off memory now replaced by the joy and heart swelling excitement he felt holding Hanzo in his arms. Somehow he felt as though he could just sit here forever kissing him and feel completely satisfied.

 

For once he didn't curse the fact he was in love because Hanzo Shimada probably loved him back just as much.

 

 

 

____________________________

 

 

It would have been typical to say they moved their little make out session inside and to one of their rooms to take it further but they didn't. Not saying Jesse didn't want to, but maybe the part of them that was still trying to get a grip on what was now out in the open between them held them back. He lost track of the time as they kissed outside and before they'd realized the sun had set and the evening had set in. He glanced at Hanzo, walking silently next to him back towards their rooms. What should he say? Should he maybe take his hand? If there was one thing he learned it was that Hanzo was a bit more withdrawn in his actions, going more for being subtle and proper. Jesse on the other hand wanted to take his hand and pull him close but he was so worried he'd make a mess of what they'd somehow started he held back.

 

The pivotal moment when they reached the next cross section of halls was coming up. He had to go left and Hanzo had to go right. Should he ask Hanzo back to his room? Would Hanzo ask him? Should they even do that yet? A million questions and worries started to set in.

 

“Goodnight then.” Hanzo's voice snapped Jesse out of his worries. The smaller man stood looking up at him, his back to the direction he had to walk back to his room.

 

“Yeah, goodnight then.” Jesse shifted his weight on his feet, offering a half smile to the other. “See ya tomorrow.” Did they need to part? He was lost in wondering almost to the point where he missed a very quick expression from Hanzo, who's dark brown eyes looked away as he nodded. Disappointment?

 

“Tomorrow then.” Turning quickly, Hanzo walked toward his room, leaving Jesse standing there like a damn fool watching him go.

 

He clenched his fists then shoved them in his pockets as he turned to walk to his own room. He shouldn't rush. Yeah he'd been longing for the man and maybe Hanzo had in turn but that didn't mean it was alright to just proposition him to bed. Although, there was that look on Hanzo's face. It reminded him of a few times before when he'd seen the archer react to something he said or when things would grow quiet between them before he started jabbering again. Had those been hints? Hints that maybe Hanzo wanted the same things he did but was too shy to ask? He stopped.

 

Thinking on it now a lot of things made sense. The way Hanzo avoided him all day. He'd been trying to work himself up to earlier, hadn't he? Back when he was sick when Hanzo looked like he wanted to say something then just said he'd think on it. Hell, even last night when he'd delivered Jesse's hat and serape he'd seemed like he wanted to say more and held himself back. Had he just been a damned fool and missed all those little subtle cues he'd been so keen on before?

 

He turned and started to walk quickly back in the direction he came almost turning it into a full out run. Not this time. He wasn't gonna miss this hint. Sure, he might make himself out to be wrong and then cause another awkward moment but if he really thought about it then Hanzo had been giving him every opportunity to make a move and he'd missed it. Hanzo was composed and proper in all the ways Jesse never was, and he chose his words carefully while Jesse would just let anything in his head come right out his damn mouth, but that didn't mean Hanzo was cold. Not when he could smile in amusement at something stupid Jesse said or when he talked about his youth with Genji. Not the man who could laugh at him when his legs cramped or when he made a bad joke.

 

Reaching Hanzo's door he hesitated for a moment, trying to banish every second thought that came to mind. When he finally did manage to knock he realized he didn't have a damn clue what to say. The door opened almost too fast, Hanzo standing there both surprised and like he'd been expecting him. In a feat so impossibly clumsy Jesse struggled for words, “I just...I...can I—” But he didn't get a chance to finish. A tattooed arm shot out to grab his shirt and tugged him into the room. He stumbled, practically crashing into Hanzo as he was pulled into a hungry kiss that left him spinning. He thought he heard the door shut, the light from the hall gone and the room cloaked in a dim light from the bedside lamp. None of it mattered though. The only thing that mattered was how Hanzo kissed him so fiercely his legs about gave way under him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See I made it better. Right? Right?! 
> 
> I swear there's gonna be porn next chapter. Don't you worry.
> 
> Also I was thinking of adding in a little extra epilogue chapter going over Hanzo's thought process the whole time if you are interested. Let me know if you guys want that. it means this'll be 10 chapters instead of 9 but you all don't want this to end, right?


	9. No More Waiting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay. This chapter was a bit of a struggle. Depression threatened to kill my drive but I soldiered on. I hope you guys like it. New tags added for all the sexual stuff.

There was no time to think anymore, he only knew one thing. He hadn't been the only one. His hands found Hanzo's hips, gripping him firmly and tugging him close before they wandered around him more boldly, taking a handful of his ass. Instead of a breathy 'wait' he received a pleased moan and then a jerk of Hanzo's hips that made him choke in breathless pleasure. Apparently Hanzo wasn't worried about being shy anymore. Jesse was struggling to just keep up with the kiss and stumbled back against the door. “We don't gotta rush, Darlin', I ain't going nowhere.”

 

“Do you really want to wait even longer?” Hanzo nipped at Jesse's bottom lip, forcing his body entirely against the cowboy. “Because I cannot.”

 

His heart stuttered and he let out a faint groan as he pulled Hanzo fully against him. The sweet sensation of his eager lips, kissing at him, nipping. It practically banished every thought he had about taking it slow. He grabbed hold of the smaller man and lifted him up, practically carrying him back to the bed. “No more waitin' then.” He murmured lowly, breaking the kiss to nuzzle at Hanzo's neck as they fell back onto the bed. The other man's skin felt hot and looking at him he could see that Hanzo was flushed all the way from his face down his neck and chest. “You're so cute, darlin'. Makes me want to tease you.”

 

Hanzo gasped and wrapped his arms around Jesse for a moment before tugging at his clothes. “You talk to much.”

 

McCree only chuckled. “But I thought you liked that about me. What was it now, I don't shut up?” He moved his mouth up, ghosting it over a sensitive ear that was red with heat and embarrassment. “Does it bother you if I talk about how hot you are? Cause right now you're heating up like the sun and I'm more than happy to burn up with you.”

 

“Jesse, stop...” Hanzo swallowed hard, his back arching off the bed and his body squirmed underneath the larger man.

 

Giving into the other man's plea, Jesse did in fact stop teasing, for now. He had something more important to do. Sitting up, he stared down at the slightly rumpled mess he'd made of the man and grinned.

 

Hanzo's looked away, his brows knitted together in annoyance even though he was practically glowing red. “Must you look so pleased with yourself?”

 

“Why shouldn't I? I got me the most beautiful thing here under me, and that pretty blush of yours is urging me to make a right mess of ya.” His prosthetic hand reached to tug the man's obi loose, yanking it away and pulling back the front of Hanzo's kyudo-gi to reveal his chest. Jesse always did find that tattoo on him pretty but to see it in stark contrast to the man's pale, smooth skin was something else all together. “Damn.”

 

“Stop staring so much.” Hanzo leaned up, trying to work the buttons on Jesse's shirt open.

 

He chuckled and reached to help him, seeing how Hanzo was fumbling with the buttons. “Why can't I stare?”

 

“Because I am not sure what to do when you stare at me. It feels...strange.” Hanzo hung on that last word as if he changed what he meant to say last minute.

 

“Strange?” Jesse tilted his head, reaching to tilt Hanzo's face to look at him. “Strange how?” Was the other not wanting to do this or was he just that shy?

 

The Japanese man swallowed, still not meeting Jesse's eyes. “It feels...obscene the way you stare.”

 

Well that was a surprised. “Now I know I'm pretty worked up over you, but I didn't think I seemed creepy, honey.”

 

“It's not that, it's not you...” Hanzo struggled to correct himself, undoing a button on Jesse's shirt. “I feel more exposed when you stare at me so much.” He glanced up. “And I feel ashamed at how much I don't mind it.”

 

Well damn. “Nothing wrong with liking to be ogled, Darlin'. Especially if it's by me.” Cupping Hanzo's cheek he leaned down to kiss him. “I think we've both been holding back enough. Stop worrying over every little thing and just enjoy the moment.” He pushed Hanzo back on the bed and leaned over him. “And might I remind you, that a certain _someone_ pulled _me_ into his room and attacked me.”

 

A small smile crept up into Hanzo's lips and he tilted his head. “I was frustrated with you.”

 

“Oh really now? Cause I was a damn fool and didn't invite you back to my room earlier?” Leaning down he nuzzled at the man's neck again, running a hand over the expanse of Hanzo's chest. “I was overthinkin' too. Thought maybe it was too fast but I started thinking about the little signs you were giving me.” He brushed a finger over one of Hanzo's nipples, feeling it tense and harden as he started to rub circles around it. “You're really expressive. Always making all these faces and leaving me wondering.”

 

Hanzo gasped, his chest jerking against the touch. “Do...do I?”

 

“Yeah, all the time. I loved watching you, even before I realized how much I wanted to get closer to you.” Jesse slowly moved his lips down to kiss along the man's collarbone, finally pinching the nipple between his fingers and pulling a loud moan from Hanzo. “Sensitive there?”

 

Squirming, Hanzo tugged at the sheets, his breathing heavy. “I don't know...it would seem so.” He gasped again when Jesse repeated the action, his entire body trembling.

 

“Now I'm worried. You always got your chest half exposed to the world. Seems mighty risky to have a weakness in plain sight.” He laughed when Hanzo smacked his arm and moved his mouth down to rake his teeth over one hardened peak. “Don't worry. I won't tell no one. It's our little secret.” He dragged his tongue over it before sucking, causing Hanzo's body to jolt up against the contact. He had no idea the man could make such noises or that his body could be so sensitive under his touch. If he had known he'd of lost his mind.

 

As he teased Hanzo's chest with his mouth he slipped his real hand down between the man's legs, feeling a definite hardness there under the fabric that had his blood pounding. The moment he grabbed him he heard a loud keening moan from Hanzo followed by a choked gasp. He couldn't take this. Jesse made quick work of the hakama, tired of waiting to get Hanzo undressed. He had every intention to take it slow but he was just a man and Hanzo was writhing under him and making the sweetest sounds he'd ever heard.

 

“Why am I the only one getting undressed?” The archer panted, reaching weakly to push open Jesse's shirt.

 

“We'll get there. I just wanna get you naked first.” Sliding a hand down to unlatch the man's boots he tossed them aside before pushing the hakama from Hanzo's hips. He didn't dare look down till he had him entirely exposed. When his eyes finally got a good look at the other man he wondered if he had somehow been a saint in his previous life because good lord had he struck gold. Hanzo's body was pale everywhere and every inch was firm, toned muscles reminding Jesse that the other was a warrior from his head down to his toes. The pale expanse of his skin was only thrown off by the trail of dark hair that sprinkled from his navel down to his groin and even that was a pretty contrast. While he stared he noticed the man was growing harder and harder between his legs and grinned.

 

“Will you stop staring so much!”

 

“Oh, I think you like when I stare, Sweetheart.” Jesse slid his hand up Hanzo's thigh and then took his growing erection in his hand. “Cause you're getting more excited the longer I do.”

 

That earned him a string of Japanese that Jesse could only assume was not sweet nothings. Still Hanzo's blush didn't subside, expanding more over his pale skin. When he cowboy began to stroke him slowly Hanzo gasped out another foreign phrase before clinging to the bed again.

 

“Does it feel good?” Jesse murmured, leaning back over to tease the neglected nipple from earlier. Hanzo was just as sensitive on that side too and began to thrash under him, each moan carrying a sharp gasp and breathless sigh. It really was driving him crazy. He never imagined Hanzo making noises like this or that he'd look so utterly gorgeous in the throes of pleasure. Unable to help himself, Jesse began to kiss down his stomach, stopping to give his hip a kiss and playful suck. The small reddening bruise gave him a little tickle of delight.

 

“Jesse?” Hanzo looked down, a little dazed and breathless. His eyes widened when he saw what the man intended to do, but before he could do much else but grab at that soft brown hair he was moaning loudly as he threw his head back.

 

Jesse dragged his tongue slowly over the head of Hanzo's cock, watching his hips tremble. He held them down firmly, not wanting to let the other escape until he had the man calling his name. Hanzo said it so sweetly now but he wanted to hear it over and over again. His tongue slid along the ridge around the tip and he gave the base a firm stroke before his mouth wrapped around him. The fingers in his hair gripped harder and Hanzo tried to jerk his hips up with little success. He sucked him deeper, sliding his tongue along him as he pulled back just a little. The scent of the man overwhelmed his senses, and the more Hanzo whimpered and moaned the more he struggled to hold his desire to take the man quickly. He pulled back, letting the man's length slid from his lips with a soft pop as he continued to stroke him with his hands. “You really are sensitive, Darlin'.”

 

Feverish dark brown eyes stared down at him. “It has been...a long time.” He admitted.

 

Brows raising, Jesse leaned forward and licked him again. “That so?”

 

Hanzo could only shudder for a moment, glaring down at him but that quickly turned to surprise when he felt a warm finger probing at the small hole further down. The archer fell in a heap back onto the bed, reaching back to grab at the pillows to try and steady his body.

 

“Kinda wish I thought to bring something to help this along.” He muttered, massaging the muscles around the opening. “You got any lotion or something?”

 

“...nightstand.” Hanzo muttered softly.

 

“Huh?”

 

“The nightstand. The bag...there's...,” he gestured to the table and sure enough there was a small unmarked bag.

 

Reluctantly McCree pulled away and reached for it, opening it up to find not only a pack of condoms but a bottle of lube. “Did you go out and get this?”

 

“Of course not!” Hanzo quickly defended himself, looking away. “Genji...gave them to me this afternoon.”

 

He remembered he hadn't seen either of the brothers that afternoon and had searched for Hanzo all over to no avail. “Wait, Genji got these for us?” Had that damn ninja been meddling this whole time? Not that he didn't appreciate the assist. He didn't have the foresight to plan for this since he expected a clear rejection from Hanzo only a few hours ago.

 

“He knew I planned to respond to our feelings today and did it on his own.” Hanzo's ears were practically glowing. “He said to tell you, 'you're welcome'.”

 

The entire thing was so ridiculous that he started laughing. “I'll have to thank him then. Later though. Right now I got me a sweet thing under me needing attention.” Oh, he was not gonna get over how lovely that blush was. It was his biggest delight to find that Hanzo blushed all over like this. He popped open the bottle of lube and spilled some on his fingers before reaching back down. “This might be a bit cold,” he warned and pressed a finger against him.

 

Hanzo gasped and jerked at first, but soon relaxed, staring at the wall a moment. Taking a several deep breaths he finally looked at Jesse.

 

His eyes warmed and he pushed the finger in slowly, leaning over Hanzo. “Tell me if it hurts. We'll take this nice and slow, however long it takes. When I get in you I don't want you thinking about anything else but how good it is.”

 

“You're very,” he gasped again and grit his teeth, his hips rolling back, “confident.”

 

Grinning, Jesse began to move the finger back and forth. “Make no mistake. I'm hoping to make it so good it'll ruin you for anyone else. Then you'll just have to stick with me forever.” He pushed in another finger, taking it slow again as those muscles relaxed around the added girth.

 

Hanzo's eyes widened but if it was from the declaration or the action was a mystery. He started panting hard again, reaching back to hold onto the headboard.

 

Slowly Jesse worked his fingers inside, reaching to stroke at Hanzo's neglected length with his prosthetic. He imagined it was a little cold compared to his other hand currently in the man but Hanzo seemed to not care, rolling his hips with the motion. Scissoring his fingers wider, Jesse pushed a third finger in, pumping them back and forth now to get the man used to the motion. “Feel good?”

 

Groaning, Hanzo looked up at him again. “Jesse, stop asking stupid questions.” He spread his legs a little wider and looked down at the man's body. “Get undressed and hurry up.”

 

Not so shy anymore. Pulling his fingers out, Jesse reached to unlatch his belt buckle and open his pants. He didn't get much farther before Hanzo sat up to help, leaning up to kiss him.

 

“Do not think you are the only one doing anything here.” Unzipping the front of Jesse's jeans Hanzo's hand boldly slipped into the waistband of his underwear to grab him. Looking up he locked eyes with the larger man. “I want to touch you too.”

 

With a shaky groan McCree jerked his hips and leaned into the other. “Oh, Darlin', you can touch me all you want. I ain't gonna complain...Jesus!” He almost fell over, suddenly gripped tightly and tugged forward over the top of Hanzo. He caught himself on his hands, his more delicate appendage at the other man's mercy. Hanzo's hands were rough and calloused but it didn't hinder the pleasure, especially when his new lover seemed to know how to make it feel far too good. “Slow down, Hanzo, you're gonna make me come too fast and I ain't even in ya yet.”

 

Leaning up, Hanzo's lips dragged over Jesse's ear. “Then what are you waiting for, cowboy?” It was low and wicked and flirtatious. A tongue then flicked along the shell of Jesse's ear, eliciting a low growl from the man.

 

Reaching down, Jesse pushed his pants off in a hurry, wanting to be free of it all so all that remained was him and Hanzo. With nothing between them he fumbled for the lube again, almost dropping the bottle.

 

“Let me.” Hanzo took it, carefully pouring some into his hand and reached down, gripping at Jesse's over eager cock, giving him a few experimental strokes all the while staring up at him with a small smirk.

 

“Oh you are evil.” He shuddered, biting at Hanzo's lips. “You're a lot more dangerous than I thought.” He bucked his hips once, almost wishing Hanzo didn't let go. When the man finally did let go Jesse lined his hips up and nudged against his ass. Taking it slow, he started to rock his hips, giving shallow thrusts and going deeper each time. It was like sweet torture, more so when Hanzo's legs wrapped around his waist in an attempt to pull him closer. “Not too fast.”

 

“It doesn't hurt. I want you to.” The legs wrapped tighter and Hanzo pulled him closer, arching against him to steal another kiss.

 

Jesse's body trembled and he groaned deeply. “Ain't...that...if I go too fast it's gonna be over too quickly.” His voice sounded so weak as he struggled to control himself. “It feels so good in you, Hanzo. You gotta give me a second.” He tried to move his hips and brace himself but the action tweaked his shoulder a bit and he flinched obviously in pain.

 

Unfortunately Hanzo was quick to notice. “You're shoulder still hurts.”

 

“It's nothing. I'm fine-whoa!” Like lightning he felt Hanzo's hands on his chest and then he was rolling onto his side, then back with the man moving to straddle him.

 

“No, we'll do it like this. It will do neither of us any good if you make your injuries worse.” Hanzo's hips shifted back and then he was slipping Jesse inside him again, moving slowly. “And I don't want to just do this once tonight.”

 

He gulped. “Honey, you can do anything you want to me as long as I can keep staring at you.” Cause was that a sight. He wasn't sure he was ever gonna get used to it. “You're really beautiful. I can't take it.”

 

Another blush spread over that pale chest but it didn't hinder the way he moved. Hanzo really was beautiful though. How could a man who blushed like that and make such coy and shy expressions look so damned cute and yet so sexy and confident at the same time?

 

Not content to just simply lay there, Jesse's hands grabbed onto the man's hips, helping him move. It felt way too good, like his head was spinning. Over and over he watched Hanzo rock above him, riding him faster and faster as the pleasure built between them. “Yeah, just like that, Darlin'.”

 

Hanzo moaned louder and leaned over McCree, his back arching sharply and hips pushing back to take him over and over again.

 

Reaching between them, he grabbed onto Hanzo's length and stroked him, his other hand on his ass to get a nice handful of it, wanting to push him past his limit quickly so they could come together. A curse left his lips and then a low groan of Hanzo's name as his orgasm hit him hard. He thrust his hips up, chasing the pleasure that seemed to be prolonged by the way Hanzo's insides squeezed around him. His hand was coated in thick, sticky fluid as the archer came with him, each motion slowing until he collapsed onto Jesse.

 

Each breath felt heavy and he stared up at the ceiling, rubbing his clean prosthetic hand over Hanzo's back. “Hot damn, I think I might have died and gone to heaven.”

 

Hanzo laughed weakly. “I certainly hope not. I thought I was clear we wouldn't stop with just one time.”

 

“Oh trust me, sweetheart, I plan to go another round just as soon as the world stops spinning and I can feel my toes again.” At least till his body stopped tingling. He rolled onto his side, tilting his head to get a good look at the other man's face. “How you feeling?”

 

Looking up, Hanzo smiled lazily. “Good. Peaceful.” He reached up to run his hand over Jesse's scruff. An expression came over his face then as if he were confused for a moment, then it lifted and grew calm. “Why do you love me, Jesse McCree? I have wondered that for a while now.”

 

“What do ya mean?” He wrapped is arms around him, pulling him flush against his chest. “You sayin' it's that surprising? You're a gorgeous guy and somewhere around hearing you laugh and kissing you I sorta just couldn't stop falling for you.

 

Dark eyes looked down, and Hanzo's voice sounded very small as he spoke again, “I am not worthy of love. I did not think myself ever deserving of this after...everything. Yet you made me question myself every moment and now I am afraid I can't go back.”

 

His brows raised in confusion. “Back to what?”

 

“Being alone. Being content with being alone.” With a sudden shift, Hanzo was pressing his face into Jesse's neck and wrapping his arms around him. “But I am not content with it. You have messed that up, Jesse McCree.”

 

He wanted to say something but his heart was pounding so loud he couldn't think. He didn't have to though because Hanzo was looking up at him suddenly.

 

“Take responsibility.” He whispered it, so softly against Jesse's lip and then kissed him.

 

God he was done. “If that's your way of asking me never to let you go, then you don't even gotta ask, Darlin'. The devil himself couldn't tear me away from you.” He pushed Hanzo back against the bed, rolling over him as he continued the slow kiss. “I might not be the most noble and just man in the world but I keep my word. You, Hanzo Shimada, are the one thing I'd never give up.”

 

Hanzo gave him the sweetest smile. It seemed so damned genuine like he couldn't stop himself from making it. “You're being over dramatic.”

 

“Says the guy telling me he ain't worthy of love.” He swooped in to kiss his cheek, then his chin, the tickle of Hanzo's beard on his nose. “Now if I'm not mistaken I promised you another round.”

 

“Already?” Staring up in surprise, Hanzo's eyes widened.

 

Jesse gave him his signature cocky grin. “You underestimate me, Darlin'. And you underestimate how damn sexy you are cause I don't need much to get going again.” He shifted his hips to punctuate his point, already getting plenty hard as he rubbed against Hanzo's thigh.

 

Hanzo glanced down then back up slowly, that same flirtatious smile from earlier reaching his lips. “Well then, what are you waiting for, _cowboy?_ ”

 

Shuddering he gave a weak chuckle. “You know it sounds a lot more sexual when you say it like that.”

 

“I know.” He tugged Jesse to him, wrapping his limbs around him as they indulged in another roll the sheets.

 

Jesse didn't remember falling asleep after they fell back on the bed in a sweaty mess but he did know he'd never been happier in his life.

 

 

 

____________________________

 

 

The sun poured in through the window like it had the day before but instead of cursing it he just settled against the back of the man in his bed, giving a pleased growl. His lips sought out the nape of that pale neck and he nuzzled at it as his body began to wake up, especially his lower half.

 

“Jesse, if you plan on doing something you can't kiss me till you brush your teeth.” Hanzo's voice was hoarse but held a hint of amusement in it.

 

“Stingy.” His hand slid down over Hanzo's hip before moving around him, gripping at the equally hard erection between Hanzo's legs. “You're just as alert.”

 

Groaning, Hanzo's ass pushed back against him. “You're shameless.”

 

“You love it.”

 

There was barely a pause before Hanzo's breathy voice responded. “I do.” There was no stopping at that point and the pair found themselves tangled together again, kissing limited of course.

 

When they finally did get out of bed it was awkward in all those blissful ways. There was a few shy glances as Jesse gathered his clothes, seeing that Hanzo was making a point to not get up just yet. “You need any help? How's your hips?” He had tried to be gentle this morning but he had discovered that Hanzo wasn't one to be treated like glass and was damn good as flipping his restraint switch.

 

“I'm fine. It's only slightly uncomfortable.” He finally sat up, brushing his hair back. “I do need to bathe though since...well,” He reddened, “you...inside.”

 

“Oh, right.” He hadn't been able to think once Hanzo coaxed him to hurry last night. The condoms that Genji had so thoughtfully bought them were still unopened. “Sorry about that. You didn't seem to mind.”

 

“I didn't.” Hanzo was quick to ease his worries. “But It means I need to go clean up more...thoroughly. Alone.” He looked up.

 

He leered. “You sure you don't want help?” A pillow to the face followed that comment and he caught it with a laugh. “Alright. I get the hint. I'll...um...should I bring back breakfast? Or did you wanna risk the mess hall?”

 

Hanzo huffed. “I am not so naive as to think no one knows what has happened between us given Hana's big mouth but perhaps following routine would be best.”

 

“Yeah, I think everyone knows probably. Apparently I kinda let the cat out of the bag when I hit my head.” Brushing his hair out of his face he put on his shirt.

 

“Did you plan to keep it a secret?” The archer tilted his head curiously, his eyes narrowing just a little.

 

“What? No. I just figured you might wanna keep it a little hush hush for a while.” He expected that at least. Hanzo seemed like the private type.

 

“I'm not planning to tell them every detail but,” He glanced away, a smile spreading over his lips, “it's not bad to brag a little, I suppose.”

 

Snorting with amusement, Jesse leaned over, taking the other man's face between his hands to kiss him. “Brag all you want. Hell, I'll go yell it through the halls right now if you want.”

 

“Please don't.” Hanzo chuckled, leaning into the kiss. His hands clamped gently onto Jesse's wrists. “I want to keep some of you all to myself too.”

 

That warmed his heart and he slipped in another deep kiss. Hanzo was truly a mystery to him, one he had no trouble spending the rest of his life unraveling. He pulled back and smiled, reaching to rub his thumb over that scar on the man's eyebrow. The pair of them might be older, and a bit beaten from their past mistakes but somehow everything felt so right in this moment. He was forever glad he bumped into Hanzo that day in that secluded place. Their quiet place where even the scars of their past couldn't reach them.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [EDIT] Sorry everyone. I had every intention of finishing this with an epilogue chapter but I just lost the drive and I was lazy about updating and saying it wasn't going to happen. 
> 
> However I do have the first chapter of another Mchanzo fic in the works and I plan to start posting in the next week of so. I have a couple other fics I do have to finish. So I hope you all aren't too disappointed and look forward to more Mchanzo from me.


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